After Alex dropped me off at my apartment, I immediately crawled into bed; clothes and all. I literally had no energy after all that anxiety. I was so tired, but oddly enough, I could not fall asleep for the life of me. I closed my eyes and laid there for a while.
I opened my eyes and looked at the clock on my nightstand: 1:15am, and I'd been laying there for more than an hour! I looked up at the ceiling and thought over today's events. Ugh. So many things had gone wrong, yet I was still content with the turnout.
Alex and I got to hang out, I didn't die, and I got to go star gazing like he promised all those years ago...
"I love star gazing." I told him. "It'd be fun to go star gazing with you." He smiled. "You know we can't. My parents would never allow it." I said, dismayed. "Then we wait till we're older." He shrugged. "I'll hold you to that." I smirked.
I never actually thought he would take me, and so I dropped it. I didn't want to get my hopes up, anyway. I should've known he wouldn't forget; he always kept his promises, from what I knew at least.
Alex and I had been best friends since I was 15 and he was 16. Yeah, we took a break for a short time while he figured things out with his girlfriend, as was. But we've been inseparable for what feels like forever.
Since I couldn't sleep, and I figured Alex would still be awake, I decided to text him. As if I hadn't talked to him enough today, I still wanted to. I loved talking to him as much as I could.
Me: Hey.
Alex: You're still up?
Me: Yeah.
Alex: How are you holding up?
Me: Fine.
Alex: Yeah right. What's actually wrong...?
Me: Eh. I just can't sleep.
Alex: Too much excitement for one day I guess 😝
Me: Funny 😒
Alex: I try. So have you had any more anxiety?
Me: No...?
Alex: Aren't you sure?
Me: Lol not really. I'm tired and I can't think straight.
Alex: Can you ever think straight? 😝
Me: Not really lol
Alex: Am I just too much of a distraction? 😉
Me: You'd like to think so, wouldn't you cupcake 😜
Alex: You're never going to let that go, are you...
Me: NopeLet me tell you how this started; the whole 'cupcake' thing, that is. When I was 17 and he was 18, that's when our friendship started blossoming into a friendliership.
He (hopefully jokingly) always called me blockhead, dummy, dork, etc...and one day after calling me the first, I asked him "If I'm a blockhead, what does that make you?" And he said that was for me to figure out. I asked him "Will anything I say hurt your feelings." He said no.
I was with my friend Sierra at the time, and I jokingly told him "I'm going to call you cupcake". He asked why. And my genius friend remembered a quote from Finding Nemo. But instead of the name 'squishy', I inserted 'cupcake'.
"Why? Because you're so sweet. So I will call you cupcake, and you will be mine, and you will be my cupcake". And it stuck as a joke, and I never dropped it. And it's not like I'm the only one of us using 'cute' names.
Alex is always calling me sweetie, cutie, (and his personal favorite), doll. I didn't have anything cute to call him, because names like bae? Ew. So cupcake works, even if it's kind of weird.
Anyways, we continued texting until I literally couldn't keep my eyes open. So I called him instead, so I could talk with my eyes closed. I was pretty proud of myself for coming up with that solution.
"Hey, doll." He answered right away. "Ey." I muttered, not even pronouncing the 'h' in 'hey'. I was that exhausted, so why couldn't I be sleepy too?! "Still can't sleep, huh?" He sounded really tired, and now I felt bad for keeping him up.
"If you're tired you can go to bed. It's ok, really." I told him, relieving myself of the guilt at least a little. "Nah, it's ok. I enjoy talking to you." I could imagine him smiling. "Ok. Just wanted to give you that option." I shrugged even though he couldn't see it.
"So, what exactly are your thoughts on the anxiety attack at the party?" Like, give me a play by play." I asked. "Hmm..." I figured he'd need time to think about it, and I was content just to enjoy the comfortable silence.
"Let me tell you..."
YOU ARE READING
Run By Anxiety
General FictionAs a teenager with anxiety, Maddie Porter struggles with a lot of things. Then out of the middle of nowhere, her anxiety starts getting worse. Her boyfriend is now spending all their time together taking care of her. Things don't go as planned, but...