Love That Fly Away

seperation

I left the restraunt after 10 minutes. And the taxi leaved me at home. Back in my home i was in my room thinking ..... Afcourse about him.

I like him and i know this now infact i not only like him i started loving him but my fear? How am i going to deal with that? Flying a plane is not a dangerous job infact its a prestigious job but for me it is the most dangerous job of the world and i dint want him to risk his life on a daily basis i knew that he is not going to understand this fear of mine but still i wanted to talk about this to him.

Everytime when he leaved i wanted to stop him. It felt like he was leaving me for forever i felt it this time too but i dint  told him. I cant do this? I have to stop meeting him. I know my fear is a stupidity but still i cant be tensed all day for him or for anyone. This is not normal. Everyone love someone but they dont be worried for thier safety all day and i wanted to be among them. Not those few brave people who live there life happily even after knowing that there loved ones are doing the most dangerous job of the world and there is possibility that they are never going to can back. I cant even think about this for him. Even the thought of this make me shiver.

But no one is going to understand my fear and i dint even want to explain this to anyone. I will talk to Ryan i will tell him that we are not metting on wednesday. I have to stop this . I know am being selfish but i dont have any option on now.

All the day i was preoccupied by my thoughts about this. About our growing friendship or whatever it was. About my feelings for him. About my fear. I cant to this. I have to stop this. Mom asked me to tell her whts wrong but i lied  her that i am tensed about my studies but she was not convinced with my answer she knew that m hiding something from her .. i was quiet all day and i spent most of the day in my room.

At 7.30pm i got a call from Ryan. He was very excited and i had feeled his enthusiasm in his voice . I tried to say no to him but it was too hard. He was as excited as a five year old boy would be for his chrismas present. I dint get the courage to say no to him. So i replied him with my fake excitement for his surprise because i dint wanted to break his heart at that time. We bid each other good night and ended the call.  But i was sure in my mind that i have to stop this before it goes out of my control.

I wasnt able to sleep that night instead of being excited for his surprise i was thinking about how am i going to say no for our further meetings to him. Its a tough job and more than that i too wanted to spend some more time with him. I wanted to know him better. I wanted to know the reason behind why he is the way he is? I wanted to know the reason behind his lonliness. Why he seperate himself from his family? Why he dint open up in front of anyone?

But all this questions are going to be unanswered. Because i am going to leave him for my selfishness. Because i dont want to be worry.

I cursed myself alot that night and after crying alot i went to sleep.