13 Reasons Why Imagines

Not Without You... (Alex x reader) *TRIGGER WARNING*

WARNING: chapter contains talk/action of suicide by Alex AND by the reader. Read at your own risk
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-- (Y/N)'s POV --

After the death of Hannah Baker, the school hasn't been the same. People who knew Hannah and were friends with her, changed.

Especially Alex.

Alex Standall was my boyfriend. After him and Jessica broke up over that ridiculous list he made, which didn't contain me *Kind of jealous Hannah and Jess were*, he came to me. I was his shoulder to cry on. Every since then, we began to bond over things. It then blossomed into the kind of fucked up relationship we had now.

Before the death of Hannah, everything was fine. Alex was smiling and was an overall great guy. He would take me to cute little dates to Monet's or skip class with me to go to the park and have a picnic.

After Hannah's death, everything went to shit.

Now, I didn't know the girl very well. I knew that she had problems and issues with more than a few people in this school. She was one of those girls who wouldn't let go of the past. So Justin had a picture of her with her panties showing. The picture went around the school. Not like it's the end of the world.

Okay, yes, I'm being extremely harsh on the girl. I understand she was one of my boyfriends closest friends, but she kept living in the past. What was done, was done. She just couldn't let go of that stupid photo. You know how many photos worst than that have been sent around of me?

I'm not saying I'm a slut or anything, but a certain asshole *cough* Bryce Walker *cough* took a picture of me my freshman year. What was this said picture you may ask? Well, I was at one of his parties just chilling in his hot tub. My bikini top came untied and I was getting out for someone to help tie it. The asshole took a picture of what looked like me taking off my top. The picture went around and was talked about for months.

Anyways, after Hannah's death, Alex began to act strange. He wasn't the same kid. I knew the suicide of her had really fucked him up, but there was something more to it. I just didn't know what.

It was a few weeks before the trial. What trial? Hannah Baker's parents were suing the school. Something about bullying and how they could have helped Hannah. I didn't really know, I wasn't involved. My boyfriend was involved, along with 10 other students. Students who all talked to Hannah over the last two years.

I was studying in the library when I had received a text from Alex. It wasn't like his normal texts. His tone seemed more serious than any other. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and simply read it.

Alex Standall
Hey. Come over to my place tonight. I want to tell you something.

(Y/N)
Of course, love! I'll be there ASAP. Studying for my chemistry test tomorrow.

I shoved my phone away when I noticed a girl from my class come over to me. Our teacher had partnered each of us up with a random person in class to study with. Since it was coming close to midterms, our chemistry teacher had us doing a ton of practice tests to prepare us. She soon opened her book as we began to study.

A few hours had passed and it was time for me to leave. I got into my car as I drove to Alex's house. His dads squad car was still there meaning his father hadn't left for work yet. I got to the door and quickly knocked. Officer Standall answered the door and smiled some at me.

"Ah, (Y/N). It's nice to see you. Alex is up in his room, come on." Officer Standall said as he left me to Alex's room. He was standing by his bed just making it.

"Nice to see your room clean, kiddo. Someone came to visit." Officer Standall said. He smiled some at us before he left for work that night.

"So, what did you need to talk about, Alex?" I said as I sat on the floor against his bed. He sighed as he stared at his hands.

"I did something bad to Hannah, (Y/N). S-she was my best friend and she killed herself, because of me!" Alex started. I looked at him as I placed my hands on either side of his face.

"What do you mean? Are you saying you caused her to kill herself?" I asked confused. Alex let out a shaky sigh as he looked up at him.

"That list, dating Jessica. Hell, there's other people. Justin, Zach, Clay, Courtney and even fucking Bryce! That's just a few of them." Alex said to me. I slowly nodded as I forced him to look at me.

"Alex, none of this is your fault. Do not blame yourself. Look, I'm go get us something to eat. You want Chinese for dinner? I'll go pick some up from our favorite place." I said. Alex slowly nodded as a small smile formed on his lips.

"Yeah, okay. I love you, (Y/N). Always will." Alex said as he kissed me. His kiss was different than any other kiss. It was one that felt like he was never going to kiss me again. As he pulled away from me, he stared me straight in the eye for a moment before I pulled my phone out to call for the Chinese.

I drove into the town and picked up the food. General Tsos chicken, egg rolls and fried rice. It was Alex's favorite so I had to buy it, to help his cheer up. As I turned onto Alex's street, something felt off. It felt eerie. As I pulled into Alex's driveway, I grabbed the food and walked into the door. As I went to call out, I heard a gun shot. I froze up for a moment before I rushed up the stairs, dropping the food on the ground.

I screamed out as I saw Alex laying on the ground in a pool of blood. I quickly called for an ambulance and Alex's father. Mr Standall seemed shocked by what happened, thinking everything was okay with Alex. When the ambulance arrived, I was in it with Alex as we drove to the hospital.

I wasn't allowed to be anywhere near him while in surgery. Once Mr Standall arrived, I told him everything I knew. We waited for hours until the doctor finally came out. Sadly, Alex didn't make it. I sat in the chair and just cried as Mr Standall tried to cheer me up a bit. After a good hour, he managed to calm me down enough to take me home.

It's been two week. TWO WEEKS since my boyfriend killed himself. I couldn't get myself out of bed and I was forcing myself to go to school. Students looked at me with pity and pain. No one dared to tell to me since they knew I was always on edge. After two weeks, I gave up.

I was sitting on my bedroom floor just looking at old pictures of Alex and I. My favorite picture was the one of us ice skater. The memory of that day brought a small smile to my lips. I placed the picture next to the note I had laying on my bed before I took a swig of the whiskey I had taken from my parents.

I finally stood up as I grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills off my desk. I stared at it for a moment before popping the top. Pill after pill I swallowed between sips of whiskey. I made a face as I then felt really weird. I sat back down as I laid against the bed. I grabbed a picture that was sitting in the small box next to me. I smiled brightly at it.

It was the first picture of Alex and I. Hannah took it while her and Jess dared him to talk to me at Monet's. I smiled at the memory as I laid my head against my bed. I took another sip of the whiskey. I then closed my eyes as I felt myself drifting away from the world. I reached up slowly to the suicide note I wrote before my hand fell to the side, limply.

I'm sorry.
I tried my best to get over Alex and his suicide, but I couldn't. I love and miss him so much. He was my everything. I'm sorry mom and dad. I terribly am but I couldn't deal with the constant pain, the looks and the pity I saw from people.
I love you guys and will see you guys once again.
Love always, (Y/N)