Not over you

Chapter 15

Ezra's POV

With Aria sleeping in my arms I feel complete. I haven't felt like this for years. The night she left was the worst of my life. Not only had I lost my fiancée, I had also lost the love of my life... my soulmate. All those months I spent trying to find her were hell. I was lost... I started drinking again, barely left home. I needed her with me. I needed to feel her in my arms every night, to feel her body against mine, to wake up to her beautiful face, to smell her perfume, to kiss her, to run my hands through her hair, to tell her how much I loved her and how sorry I was that I even thought about leaving.

When I came back that night and found her letter I realized what a jerk I had been to her. I realized how, not wanting to, I made her believe I didn't love her (or at least not as much as I loved Nicole). That was the worst mistake of my life. If I hadn't left, none of this would have happened. We would have been together through the pregnancy, I would have helped her, held her hand while she was giving birth to them. I would have kissed and told her that everything was going to be fine. I would have seen my daughters' first steps, teeth, smiles, hear their first words... I would have been with them on their first Christmas, Halloweens, their first birthdays ( as well as all of them). But I wasn't. I wasn't because I was stupid enough to lose Aria.

And now, seeing her sleep in my arms, knowing that she's willing to give me another opportunity, I can't help but stare at her and smile. I haven't been this happy for so long... since the day I proposed to her in this same room. And I'm so grateful we found our way to each other. My life without her in it was horrible. I haven't had a good night of sleep for ages. I always missed her by my side... and waking up to cold sheets was awful too. But all of this is my fault. I was the one that made her run away, and worse than that, I was the one that kept her running.

"Stop staring" she says, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"And why do you think I'm starting? You didn't even open her eyes." I ask and she smiles, still with her eyes closed.

"I don't know... I just do." She replies. I just look at her and shake my head. This woman will be the end of me. "So do you want to meet them tomorrow?"

"Really?"

"Of course. Why? Don't you want to?" she asks, opening her eyes and looking at me worried.

"Of course I do! That's not even a question. I just... what if they don't like me?"

"What?" she asks and then starts laughing. "Why would you think that?"

"I don't know..." I admit, looking down.

"Ezra..." she says, taking my hands on hers. "There's no reason to be worried. Really. They'll love you. They always wanted to know things about you and every single time I told them something about us or you they would smile like crazy and always wanted more." She says, rubbing my hands and smiling.

"You told them about me? About us?" I ask, surprised.

"Yeah... When they asked, I felt like I had to, you know. Even though you were not there with us, you were still their father and they deserved to know about you, so I told them a few stories about us. Not a lot though... I couldn't lose control in front of them and, for a while, it was really hard talking about you"

"I'm so sorry Aria. I really am... I'm sorry I left you, I'm sorry for that call... I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for them. Damn it! I lost the first 4 years of my daughters' lives!" I say, running my hands through my hair. I feel Aria move in her seat and I immediately know something's wrong. I look at her and see her playing with her fingers, looking down. I caress her cheek and make her look at me. "Aria... what's wrong? Did I say something..?"