Trained To Kill

fifteen: the feeling is mutual.

You see Karma,

One day I’m going to let you read everything in here that I’ve written to you. I almost did it that one time but I decided I wasn’t ready to bare myself to you that way so I took it back. But one day, you’re going to read this spiral and you’re going to understand how I truly feel about you. How crazy you make me. How much I care about you, and not just on an intimate level. I care about you so much it drives me insane. I have more love for you than I know what to do with, really. And maybe you’ll feel the same way and maybe you won’t and I’m trying to be okay with that.

I just want you to know.

-j.p

--

All I feel, all I see, all I hear…

Is pain.

I can hear my heart beat thumping in my ears because I’m pressed against the cold, hard concrete floor. My back stings, as well as my hands. They suffered too, from me trying to stop whoever was lashing me. That feels like it was so long ago, though.

I’ve been in this room for a long time. I can’t tell how long, but it feels like ages. No one has come to help me, no one has come to check on me, hell- no one has even come to feed me. I’m cut open, freezing, and starving.

I’ve cried all that I can. I’m all out of tears.  I can’t see anything, I can’t hear anything, I can’t feel anything. It’s torture. Just thinking about the reality of my situation makes me want to cry again, but like I said I’m all out.

After falling asleep to try and numb the pain, a bright light is in my eyes. I see the outline of a person. A curly afro. “Jacob.” I try to say but it comes out like a breath. He picks me up, and the feeling of something touching my blood-ridden back sends a whole new surge of pain throughout my body. I whimper and I hear him softly apologize.

He brings me to the room where I first met Matthew. It’s hard keeping my eyes open because the lights hurt so bad. “Matt…” Jacob says.

“I got it.” I hear Matthew’s voice even though I don’t recall him being in the room. Holy cow, am I going crazy now? Jacob lays me on a bed thing, my back exposed to the air. I feel something cool on it, like a towel or some sort of cloth. It feels good. I groan in appreciation.

“I can’t.” Jacob says from some place where I can’t see him and I hear the door opening and closing.

Matthew sighs. Then he strokes my hair. “Kitten, I’m gonna give you something that’s going to knock you out, okay? Then I’m going to bandage you up and give you some medicine so that your back will heal. You’ll have scars but the medicine works fast. It’s the best we can do.”

I don’t know if he’s asking me or not, but I can’t answer.

He sticks a need in my arm and I wince slightly, but all is forgotten as my eyes become heavy and eventually shut.

--

When I wake up I’m not quite in as much pain, but my body is still sore. I’m in Jacob’s room, and he’s sitting in a chair by the bed, watching me closely. My eyes flutter and I shut them again. I feel a pressure on the side of the bed and I know he’s leaning on it. “How do you feel?”

My throat and my mouth are too dry to respond. I just blink lazily at him.

“Right, water.” He says and disappears. He comes back with a cup filled with water. “Here.” He sticks a straw in it and guides it to my mouth. “You were in there for a couple of days. I know they didn’t feed you, so Matt’s whipping something up for you right now.” He says dully.