Grayson Dolan "If Only"

My Everything

It's been 2 weeks since i've seen grandad and since i've last seen the twins. Grayson and Ethan have kept on trying to text Paige and i but i replied saying that we needed a break, but it won't be permanent. I'm concerned about grandad and always made sure that mum was texting me updates on how he was doing. It was 3:00am and i was receiving a call from my mother, i saw the caller ID and i was just praying that it wasn't about what i was thinking about. I answered the call and my heart dropped.

Mother: Dear i'm so sorry, she said in a sobbing manner

Y/n: This isn't fair, i said as i bursted into tears

Mother: I know dear but he's in a better place now and he is looking after us ok, she said reassuringly.

Y/n: I'm coming over now. Give nana a hug and a kiss from me

Mother: Ok dear. Be safe, love you.

We both hung up. I dropped the phone and i went numb. I was bursting into tears where i couldn't catch my breathe, the ugly cry kind. Paige came running into the room and saw me in tears, she ran over to me and comforted me. She didn't need to ask me why, she already knew. I caught my breathe and lifted my chin up, i knew grandad would not want to see me like this. I got up and started gathering my stuff together. I called Louis to get the private jet ready and told him what was happening. He was very supportive and gave me his best wishes. I said bye to Paige and she insisted on coming with but i told her that i'll be fine because i'll have family with me. I was leaving the apartment when Grayson and Ethan were going into there apartment and we all made eye contact. I was so confused as to why they were just going into their apartment at around 3:00am but i had places to be. I quickly stopped the eye contact and turned around to walk down to the elevator and propped the hood of my hoodie and walk away not looking back.

Grayson's POV

Ethan and i were just coming back to the apartment after editing a video that we were about to upload. I saw Y/n leaving her apartment and she looked really depressed. She made eye contact with Ethan and i but she quickly looked away and left propping her hood over her head whipping away some tears. I wanted to run over and hug her but i couldn't she wanted a break. 

Back to your POV

I was boarding my private jet getting ready for the flight. I sat down and turned my phone off. It was going to be a long flight so i went to catch up on some sleep. I eventually landed back home and went straight to nana's house. I walked into nana and grandad's home and saw the whole family there. They were all shocked to see me. I talked to nana privately and told her that i wrote a song in honour of grandad, she wanted to hear it so i sang it for her in front of my other family members. They all ended up crying and so was i. 

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It's been 3 days and the funeral was about to start. I was going to sing the song and i knew it was going to be hard to get through. The funeral was beautiful, it was full of love and support and special memories. I was on my flight back to LA and i wanted to sing the song at the American music awards as they wanted me to perform. I still had the recording of my grandads last words to me and i was going to the recording studio to record the song. I've hardly eaten, mostly because i've been to upset and sick to the stomach to eat. I was walking back to the apartment when i started feeling dizzy. I held the hand rail and walked slowly with my head down trying to get my focus back. It slowly came back and i got myself together and walked into my apartment. Paige ran to me and hugged me tight. I was upset that my heart hurt and when my heart hurts it gets hungry so i started to binge eating and then purged. In that moment i relapsed, i was so disappointed in myself but i couldn't think of another way to handle it.