jongdae's list ; [xiuchen]

ix

I prepared some dishes for Jongdae. It's lunch time and I decided to visit him. I called Baekhyun a minute ago, I asked if Jongdae was up and he said yes, and in that very moment he told me that Jongdae was having his round of Chemotherapy, that Chanyeol was giving it to him.

I felt anxious even more after knowing what Baekhyun said. I felt more determined to know what kind of illness Jongdae has that he needed to live in a hospital for years and receive chemo, and I am afraid of the truth.

-

I was welcome by Baekhyun at the receiving area of the hospital. He told me that Jongdae finished receiving his chemo and was ordered to wait for me because he had a prior notice that I was bringing Jongdae lunch. I thanked Baekhyun before he led me to Jongdae. He told me that Jongdae was waiting for me at the garden of the hospital. 

As we walked closer to the garden, I saw Jongdae's figure. His back facing me, he was watching the little kids(patients too) playing in the garden with 2 nurses as their guardian. I thanked Baekhyun before he left me. I stopped on my spot and stared at his back. 

He was wearing a hospital gown. There was a hose connected to his hand and an IV pole not far from him. He looks pale, why did I notice only now? He looked back and I nearly jumped when he saw me staring at him

"Hyung," he said softly while he smiled brightly. I walked towards him. "Hi hyung." I settled the bento boxes beside him. 

"Hi, Jongdae." I said, not looking at him and decided to sit down beside him. I looked at the kids as well. "How are you?"

"I'm fine hyung. How about you?" he asked, I knew he was looking at me. I saw it from my peripheral vision. I felt a little more anxious. "Are you okay? I didn't see you after I collapsed."

That's when I looked at him. "About yesterday." I started. 

"I'm sorry hyung." he said apologetically. "I'm sorry for not telling you." He looked away and smiled weakly. 

"I- it's okay." That wasn't the words I wanted to tell him, I want to ask, but now my throat constricted me from doing so. "I'm not in the position to ask anyway." I said. 

"Hyung, we're friends right?" He asked staring into my eyes. I simply nodded. I consider him as a friend.

"Yes, Jongdae, we're friends."

"Then you're in the position to know." he sighed. "I'm sorry for not telling you hyung., It's just that... I was..." I placed my hand on his back. I noticed that he was shaking. 

"It's okay Jongdae, don't force yourself. You're not obligated to tell me anything. Stop apologizing, you did nothing wrong. You had a reason and I respect that." He took my hand and held it.