jongdae's list ; [xiuchen]

xii

Christmas is in a matter of days. I was walking around Seoul with Junmyeon. He knew where I was and he said it was okay not to come to work for now. I know he knows that I am with Jongdae even if I don't tell.

"What kind of present does Jongdae want?" Junmyeon asked. We're thinking of buying presents since Christmas is coming. I didn't know what Jongdae wanted. Before I left him at the hospital with Baekhyun, I asked if he wanted something for Christmas and he shrugged. 

"I don't know, he doesn't want anything." I suddenly thought of his list, and the duplicate list I have, I checked it immediately and the only things written there was about the musical play, playing in the snow, eating to his heart's content and staying up all night.

"He sure does have a unique list." Junmyeon said, as he read the things written. "I guess you'll buy him food? You can't take him into a musical. Min it's dangerous." 

"I know..." I really wanted to take Jongdae out to watch a musical play, but now, it will be bad for his condition. 

"Hey I know! Maybe you can watch a musical with him in your laptop. It doesn't matter if you watch it in his ward, I know he'll appreciate it." Junmyeon just gave me an idea.

-

When I arrived at the hospital, it was snowing. I had my laptop and foods that Jongdae can eat. I was wondering if he was outside playing in the snow right now. And I was right, as soon as I passed at the garden, I saw him with Baekhyun and Chanyeol and other patient playing under the snow.

"Minseok hyung ! You're back." Baekhyun shouted and I smiled, Jongdae turned around too he smiled. 

"How are you?" Jongdae seemed to have a sullen look on his face. But he tried to hide it with a smile. 

"I'm okay, I played in the snow today, and I think I want to go in now." He said, Chanyeol helped him wheel his wheelchair while Baekhyun helped me in carrying the things I had. 

"What are these for?" Baekhyun asked while we were walking towards Jongdae's room. 

"It's for Jongdae, I'm thinking of watching a musical with him on my laptop. Do you want to join us?" Baekhyun's eyes lit up at the sound of the word 'musical'. He immediately asked if he could join us and I told him why not?

The more, the better. 

-

We set up the projector and convertible beds on Jongdae's room. Jongdae was happy to know that he was going to watch a musical even if it was only in his room. Junmyeon was right. Jongdae appreciated this.

"I brought snacks too, you can eat at your heart's content Jongdae." I pleaded for Baekhyun's permission, and he didn't even have second thoughts on allowing me to let Jongdae eat what I brought. 

I guess he wanted to make Jongdae feel good too. We settled on our spots. Chanyeol joined in after his shift. They were cuddling in the convertible bed while Jongdae ate his snacks, while I caressed the sleeping DaeMin beside me.  As I've thought of it. We accomplished three things in his list today. 

I took a glimpse on Jongdae's smiling face watching and eating happily.

I was afraid to lose this man. I didn't want him to die, I don't want to live in this world without him, without his warm smiles that can light up anyone's day. 

-

I woke up at the sound of Baekhyun's voice. "Hyung... Are you awake?" The room was quiet, Jongdae was already sleeping, the difference is, he had an oxygen tube inserted in his nostrils. What?

"Yeah... why is Jongdae wearing those things?"

"The cancer cells spread to his lungs, thus making it hard for him to breathe..." Baekhyun said solemnly. "Can I talk to you outside?" I gently got out of the convertible bed, without disturbing DaeMin in his precious sleep. We headed to the rooftop.

"What is it Baekhyun?" Baekhyun suddenly burst into tears. "Hey, Baek? W-what happened?"

"I'm sorry hyung..." He said and somehow I didn't want him to continue. "I tried everything, we tried everything... but... we don't know how to help him anymore..."

"W-what?" I held on Baekhyun's shoulders as he dropped on the floor. "What are you talking about?" I wish I was deaf, I wish I was blind, so that I cannot hear nor see the morbid truth.

"Jongdae knew, and asked to keep it a secret from me..." 

"What..."

"We knew only this morning... His head doctor... Told us that he only has 2 to 3 days to live.. and if not for the life support, 8 hours left." He cried.

And I shouted.

"What!? Who is he to tell Jongdae when he is going to die!?" I cried, frustrated. No Jongdae can't die. "He is not a God! He can't dictate when a person is going to die!"

"Hyung! Calm down!" 

"No! Jongdae isn't going to die! No! He's fighting! I know he's fighting! He's not going to die! No!" Baekhyun grabbed me, and hugged me.

"Hyung, hyung, I'm sorry..."

"He's not going to die..." I cried..

I don't want Jongdae to die.