Dear ____,
There are so many things I want to say to you, my love. And so many reasons why I cannot.
Every time I see you, I am struck speechless by your beauty - inside and out. I have never known anyone with a smile so amazing that it can lift any weight of my shoulders. A smile that, even when I am at my lowest, never fails to creep onto my own face. A smile that I long to see every day, and one that keeps me tethered to this world.
Your laugh is infectious, and the mischievous grin that often accompanies it only tightens the hold you have over me. Your childish delight is another reason why I cannot live without you.
But it is not only on the outside that you are beautiful. You are the most caring, considerate person I know, and you always know how to make me better when I'm feeling down. I am more comfortable with you than with anyone; when I am with you, it feels like home. And I cannot imagine anyone else who could make me feel this way.
Yet I cannot tell you all this. Every time I go to tell you how beautiful you are, I have to stop myself. As who I am to you, it would be more than unusual for me to say these things, and to do so would only make you, and everyone else, more suspicious. I would have crossed the line; the invisible line that separates safety from desire. By crossing this line, I would have initiated a game of cat-and-mouse, until I would inevitably be found out.
You would realise what I have done, my love, and many others with you. You would realise, and I know what would happen next. You would leave me. Leave me to drown in an ocean of my own making. Nothing would be the same anymore.
Even with these letters, I play a dangerous game. But I do not want to lose you. Even if I cannot tell you all the things I long to, I can at least be there for you, and you for me.
But is it enough?
Yours Forever,
N
