Dear ____,
I could write a thousand letters to you, my love, and still not say everything that I want to. I wish I had the confidence to say all the things I so desperately need to, but the one person closest to me is the one person that I cannot approach. It's too late to tell you, yet still too early. But what hurts me the most is that I've already told you, more than enough times. Yet you do not say understand me. I have now learnt that
love knows no boundaries. It has no rational thought; its strength terrifies me. And it does not always present itself in the best of situations. It is uncontrollable, unpredictable, and can sometimes only be seen from one side. One side, which cannot influence or understand the other. Life does not have an all-powerful author; we each control our own stories. And I do not control yours. I am only controlling my own, and I chose to keep my silence, about me, about us, about everything. Why would you even want someone as broken as me anyway? Any fool could see that you wouldn't. And I do not want to take advantage of you in that way. I realise that if we reach the next level, we can never turn back. Things can never be how they were before. And I know that I am not ready to let go of that. I do not know how I could go through each chapter of my story if I did not have what I have now. I can't lose this - I can't lose you. Losing
you would end me. But, very soon, we must go our separate ways. Our paths diverge, and it is not known if they will ever cross again. So many promises, not all of them kept. Now, time is the only solution. One day I will tell you everything; I will pour out my heart to you, and you can decide if you want to listen, if you ever want our paths to cross again - if you want them to run parallel. Or if you want mine to disappear into the undergrowth. But, for now, just know that there was a time when you asked me a question. A simple question, with a not so simple answer. An answer that could have changed everything. Know that, when you asked me that question, I lied. And I'm sorry - sorry for everything.
My Heart Is Yours Forever,
N
