Save Me (Halren)

19

Halsey's POV
"Ashley, baby, what's wrong?" Lauren asks with clear worry and hurt in her voice. I messed up, no wait... I fucked up. Horribly.

"Um..." I try to search for the right words to say but it's impossible. How am I suppose to say, I have an eating disorder and I've been lying to you for quite a while now? I darted my eyes back and forth across the room, not daring to meet Lauren's.  I don't want this life anymore, I've messed it up enough. Now my girlfriend's gonna hate me and I can't do anything about it. One of the things that's really getting to me right now is that fact that I lied to her. I lied up and down about how much I had ate that day, or if I was hungry or not. Most times I was hungry and I was mentally begging for food but I wouldn't allow myself to have any. That's the part of this whole disorder. I can't eat. I can't. "I-I'm s-sorry..." I manage to choke out while looking up at her.

"Laauurennn! I need your help!" I hear Camila yell as I try so hard not to let out a breath of relief. Thanks Camila.

Lauren's sighs then gives me a serious look. "We'll talk more about this later." She says right before getting up off me and heading out of the room. I sit up and cross my legs on the bed as I just stare into space. I listen to the faint conversation Camila and Lauren are having but it only just makes me feel worse.

"I need help with writing a song. I'm not sure what to put at the end of this verse." I over hear Camila say.

"Alright, sure." I take in a breath. "Remember when we used to write songs together a lot? It was so much fun." Then I released the breath. It was as if what I had done, what Lauren had discovered about me, was already starting to tear us apart. What had I done?

"I know! All the camren songs." Camila empathised the word camren in her sentence right before I hear Lauren groan in irritating probably. I don't blame her. I don't like being shipped with people either.

"God, camz. That was long ago and you know how much that irratates me." She says, proably trying to sound serious but then I hear her laugher spread through out the tour bus. I sigh. I couldn't listen anymore because maybe I'm a little jealous of Camila. Just a little, so I lower my head as the tears start to fall. I let the tears fall because right now I honestly don't care. I just made the biggest mistake of my whole life, I just realized how stupid I was to do such a thing. Lauren isn't going to want me anymore. Not after what she just found out.

(The next day)
"Shit." I hear Lauren curse as I lay beside Ally in her bunk. I had told Ally about what had happened last night and after lots of convincing, she finally settled on letting me sleep with her and it was probably a good idea anyways. I listen to Lauren's footsteps as they run into the bathroom then not long after that, the sounds of her vomiting. I wince at the sound, resisting the urge to get out and help her. Also, this would only remind me of what I had done. Would she want my help? Does she hate me or not? No, she can't... at least I don't think so.

"Dammit." I can hear the pain in her faint voice. I think she really does want me, so I guess I'll get out of bed and go help since no one else will. I sigh and carefully pull the covers off, making sure Ally is still fully under them and try not to wake her up. I slowly head to the bathroom, rethinking my whole idea to help her in the first place. I shake my head, throwing away the thoughts of ignoring her and hurry into the bathroom as I hear it happen again. I kneel down beside her and wrap my hands around her waist before resting my head on her shoulder. I feel her flinch but soon, she rests into my embrace. I comb my fingers through her matted bed head hair as I feel she shake against me.

"You shouldn't be shaking so much, are you okay Laur?" I hug her tighter as I feel her take in a shaky breath.

"That's the same thing Camila told me when she was with me in the middle of the night." She says. I look at her with one eyebrow raised.

"You threw up in the middle of the night as well?" I ask. She nods, holding up two fingers to signal it happened twice. I sigh, planting a kiss on her forehead before she starts throwing up again. I grab her hair and hold it back as I comfort her. I didn't sleep for three quarters of the night and the quarter when I did sleep was when Lauren was sick. I sit like this with her for a good ten minutes as I think over my eating disorder. This thing will be impossible to get rid of and plus, I'm not skinny enough yet. Then I think of how much trouble it'll be for Lauren.

"I hate this. My throat is stinging like crazy." I hear her mumble. I take a loose strand of her hair and tuck it behind her ear before standing up.

"I'll get you a drink of water, okay?" I say and she nods, giving me a thankful smile. I smile back and walk out towards the front part. I grab her a drink of water while I try to stop these negative thoughts that I don't need to get better. I need to for Lauren but the troubling part will be convincing myself.

..........

Hey everyone! I'm back! It really helps to read over the story a bit when you have writers block. It helped me. Thanks for reading!