A Love Story that Never Was

Chapter 3

A Broken Promise.

I have grown bitter and hopeless.

I must admit that the repeated cycle of disappointments in my life has made me into someone that I really am not. I long to start over, but I'm afraid. Afraid to trust. To hope. To love again.

Broken promises and a string of unfaithful relationships can birth deception in the heart of someone like me, a deception so subtle that it may be hard for me to perceive it.

Giving myself without sincerity in order to reach another goal - be it financial, physical or emotional - is considered a form of prostitution. It will always leave me feeling used, disappointed in myself.

Such actions robbed me of my ability to be transparent with others.

Those around may have not noticed the details of my pain, but they SENSE the DECEPTION. Sabi nga nila, AGTA MALOKO! Sabi ko naman, PISTA MAGBAYAD.

Though my heart is protected, I am left IMPRISONED, harboring empty prizes and wondering why a better tomorrow never comes.

I have always believed that it is only the heart that remains open, daring to hope again, that finds a safe refuge in the fullness of God's timing. As I come out of denial and embrace this pain, knowing that it whispers answers to my questions and gives me the clues I need to get to the other side of my fears, my cumulative experiences birth a hope that will never make me ashamed.

I have found myself looking for love in all the wrong place and face. I have been bruised, my actions misinterpreted. I lavished my heart on someone who responded with obscure intentions and motives. I admit that I have taken my love life into my own hands and gone in search of love in all the wrong places. I must be forgiven for my impatience. My lack of trust. I have failed to rest in the knowledge that in due season, God would bring to me the one that He has appointed. Time and time again I thought I had found him, only to suffer deep disappointment when the love I was giving was not returned, and was rejected.

I am still holding on to his promise. But unluckily, he has broken it...