A Love Story that Never Was

Chapter 7

Forgive

Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Luke 6 : 37

How do you begin to forgive someone who has hurt you? Do you begin sifting through your pain to find the one grain of rationale that could excuse the other person's behavior?

I have come to realize that FORGIVENESS has nothing to do with who is right or wrong. Forgiveness is a free agent. It is not attached to reason or agreement or even undrstanding. It is, however, attached to wholeness and to your healing and liberation.

Unforgiveness is a prison. It slams the door on new beginnings and entrenches you in your present pain. It chains the heart and stops it from beating. It suffocates joy and paralyzes your ability to move on. Unforgiveness is the cancer of the soul. It slowly eats the marrow of your existence and impairs your judgment, your personality and your ability to love again.

Minsan nga dumarating din ang desire ko na yung taong nag hurt sa 'kin to also be hurting, but that is overwhelming. Minsan, I become jealous of his joy, na minsan gusto mo na maramdaman din n'ya ang torture I think he deserves. How can he act as though nothing ever happened? Na I haven't become part of his life before? Na isipin n'ya na lang na nabigla lang ako sa mga sinabi ko? And I ask myself, IT IS UNFAIR! IS THERE NO JUSTICE?!

Now I think GOD knows both sides of the story. Only He knows the deficiencies of both parties. The fears, the past wounds, the generational conditioning, the weaknesses, the insufficiencies of character and integrity. HE knows the things that we in the glow of love failed to notice. The things that should have warned us to guard our hearts.

I NEED TO LET IT GO. TO LET HIM GO. kAHIT sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos, nasasaktan pa rin ako sa mga ginagawa niya sa akin... He never really cared about me. He doesn't even notice how much I am hurting. How could he be so cold. I need to forgive. Not for his sake - for mine. It is high time for me to redirect my focus and move on. At hindi ko ito magagawa hangga't nagpapatuloy ang galit sa puso ko, as though I am nursing and rehearsing it, pati ang mga mali na ginawa niya against me, all the reasons why.

I must forgive because I need to be forgiven. How can I expect what I am unable to give myself?

WORDS DON'T COME EASILY, but i choose to forgive him now. I will forgive because it is what is best. Though I may never forget what has happened to us, I need to forgive... and FORGET.