A Love Story that Never Was

Chapter 4

Deception

Oh, the pain of discovering that the PERSON you placed your trust in is not he pretended to be! And oh, the shame of knowing you have no one to blame but yourself!

Perhaps I heard nothing and chose to trust my own instincts. He said all the right things. His actions were consistent in the beginning, so that my heart felt safe in his hands. And now I find myself enslaved by my own misperceptions. His true colors came out in time, but by then I was in, too deep! Too deep to extricate my heart without experiencing pain.

Once again my hopes are dashed. "My intentions" - or at least one who appeared to be motivating and loving - turned out to be nothing more than a counterfeit. Can I ever trust my own judgment or discernment again? If actions are all I have to go by, how will I know I have truly met the one intended for me?

My heart is still stinging from the deception I have experienced. I feel so foolish. It is as if I give my love to an unworthy stranger. MAHIRAP PALA TALAGA... Maybe because I expected too much... or he's not ready for this... or I should have shut up my damn, fucking MOUTH...!

An though I see the truth about this person, I'm finding it difficult to sever this relationship.

My soul is tied to his and I can't find a way to disconnect, even though he's not really meant for me...

I just MISS him so much... I have tried to escape and pretend I hate him... but the more I do that, the more I am hurting myself. It is better this way, than to fall for him...

I long so deeply for someone to love me and accept me that I settled for crumbs instead of the banquet. My pride has been assaulted and my spirit torn bacause of my own shortsightedness... I was too busy grasping at what I wanted to ask what I really wanted.

How can i ever forgive myself, and to reclaim the peace I can only find in him... How can I learn from this damn old game called LOVE.

I want to start anew...