A Love Story that Never Was

Chapter 6

Weep

I have always believed that there is a place beyond anger where TEARS abide. And I have to go there. When there is nothing left to be said, I have to surrender. No help is needed from my intellect, for tears have their own conversation. Though it is not translatable to the human ear, it is not foreign to GOD because it is the language of truth.

Tears hold no deception. They are transparent, their message clear. They do not cover their pain or paint it a different shade. They do not diffuse the depth of their agony; they are spurred on by it. I am CRYING because I am in a deep trauma... ( never had i experienced this... ) One silent trickle, followed by another drop, and then another. Slowly, my tears make their way. I need to let go...

I need to let the tide rise and do its work. It is no longer about anyone else but me in this moment... I have to release myself to the flow and let it carry me to the place of refreshing. And after the river has subsided, I will find out that I am left empty, and OPEN to finally hear from GOD.

In my silence, I still have unreleased tears. I am spent. Affraid to utter what might lie in the deepest parts of my heart. My pain is excruciatiing I feel I must grit my teeth to survive each fresh wave that washes over me. I need someone to hold me in the midst of the storm.

I MISS HIM SO TERRIBLY. I miss the times he comforts me when I weep. I miis the times he hears the words I am unable to say. I miss the times he listens to my heart and answers its cry. I am still devoid of questions or explanations.

I just long to be free of my suffering. I don't know what else to say. I know GOD knows and understands the language of my unpraised arms. My bowed frame. My weeping eyes.