ruled

part 7

I walk back to my seat still shocked about what happened. 

I plumb down and begin to sob. I try to stop my tears but they keep rolling. 

a month ago I would be happy if I truly was pregnant because then the ministers wouldn't lock me up. but now I don't even care anymore.  My life isn't worth anything anyway.  You can't even call this a life.

my teacher walks over to me and asks what's wrong. I don't reply.  I just stare in front of me and ball my fists.

I don't have freedom so there wouldn't be much difference if the ministers would catch me. so I wouldn't mind..

but my parents would so I will have to keep acting.. my stomach turns around by the thought but I keep fighting back.

when I get home after school I find  a letter with my name on it. I grab it and throw the envelope away. I pull out the slight pink paper and begin to read. 

..............

dear Isabel,

we are pleased to invite you for your first baby-assignment. We will check if your pregnancy is going alright and we will give you your due-day.

you are expected may 14th at 11 am the assignment will last 30 minutes. You will be accompanied by your husband.

yours sincerely, 

m.b.I.

ministers baby institute

...............

my heart starts to knock and I start to go nuts. 

I didn't saw this coming. I don't know if I'm pregnant or not. If I'm not I am in big trouble. . but if I am..... I don't even want to think about it!

I don't know why but I start to cry again.  I'm lucky I am home alone now. why am I this sensitive lately?

I sob.

something inside me says:

"stop crying. put yourself together."

and I listen. I wipe away my tears and start to cook dinner. it's my turn and I'll have to make cooked potatoes, grilled chicken and fried carrots.

"how was school today?" asks my father when we are done with dinner.  My mom clears the table. 

"fine. nothing special." I lie.

I haven't told anyone about my little incident on the girls toilet today yet. but I'm planning to tell my mother.  I need to know if I'm pregnant or not.  I must have answers, or my brain will explode some day. I've got so many things to worry about right now. 

"Isabel do you have a minute?"  asks my mother.  "sure." I say and I walk after her. "I want to show you something"

she brings me to my dad's office and closes the door

"there's something wrong.  I can see it." 

she says.   I could just say that I'm alright and walk away but something inside me tells me to talk with her.

"at school this morning something weird happened. ." 

I need to clear my throat before I go further

"and I felt really nauseous.. I had to run and vomit..."

I pause for a moment.  My mom's face is emotionless.

"some people told me it was just morning sickness... but the problem is that I thought I wasn't pregnant. and now I have a baby assignment soon.."

my mom pulls up her eyebrows. 

"mom.. do you think I'm.. pregnant. " I say and I swallow. 

"you can't be I mean.. the medicine I gave you... it supposed to work.."

"mom I need to know. what if they find out I might be not pregnant?"

"then they... "

"then they what? please tell me. it's okay if they lock me up! it's okay mom just tell me "

"Isabel. I'm not sure.. it only happened once.  the poor thing.. she wasn't able to get pregnant and when she had her first control they tortured her. she came back with a black eye. and after that I never saw her again..." 

my eyes open wide and my mouth feels dry. just when I want to say it is okay my mom talks again.

"and that's why your father and me made a plan to save you. but first we need to know your condition for sure."

and that's how we end the conversation. I leave the room silently and go to bed.