ruled

part 11

It has been a long time ago I last came here. It changed. trees became old, the lake got dirty and the pavements turned into old bricks of stone. I've never thought this place was beautiful but you don't have to hang around long to see this world has lost his color.

I wonder how it looked here a hundreds of years ago. In history class they teach us about what the society did wrong. Not about how their world looked like.

would the trees be green? and the lake fresh and full of life? would the pavements be filled with parents and laughing kids, who play with friends they picked themselves?

I don't have the knowledge... I'm hungry for more information.

I'm always filled with questions lately. One of them is how our world was able to end up this wrong..

I often think it's all because of the ministers we have now, even though they don't know better. They didn't start this society.. but maybe they made is worse. 

it's hard for me to find answers in my circumstances. My world had always been like this so I don't know better too.

I realize what I'm doing again when Dale says my name twice. "I'm sorry.  what?" I say nonchalantly. "she asked how you're doing." Dale says grumpy.  "oh.  well. uhm. I'm just fine I guess. little bit nervous, though."

the women who asked how I'm doing gives me a half hearted smile and says it's completely normal to be nervous. After a little conversation about my feelings for Dale while he gives me fake smiles because he is still mad, it's time for our appointment. 

Just before we reach the door I grab Dale's hand and look in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I should have told you earlier." 

and then we step inside.

"hello Isabel. Could you please put of your shirt and take place on the white chair?" a nurse asks without even looking at me. this is just another ministry fabric.  I thought it would be more personal. 

"okay.." I say emotionless.

it doesn't feel good when I take of my shirt. Dale never saw me like this before..I look at myself in the mirror.  my ribs are almost popping out. and then I realize I forgot to eat again..

I walk to chair and sit down on it. the nurse looks at me for the first time and she shakes her blonde curls which are bounded together in a ponytail.  "you're not really showing yet," she grabs a bottle and opens it. "this can feel a little cold."  She says as she spreads a white thick liquid on my belly.  "what is that for?" I ask immediately because of self-defense.

"it's for the scan I'm going to make. are you ready?"

I want to say that I'm not, but she wouldn't care anyway. so I just nod.

right after that she places a zooming machine on my belly. While she moves it around me, we all stare at the screen.  nothing happens. a black screen. a dull zoom.

"don't worry Isabel.  I'll get another nurse."  the nurse says.

"no, wait!  what's wrong?"  I say.

"I can't say. You stay in here."

"No!! wait!!" I yell this time.

the nurse looks shocked.  I attempt to get out of the chair as she presses a bottom and handcuffs lock me in my seat.

"let her go!!" shouts Dale. "no. we won't until we've controlled her!" the nurse yells back and she closes the door.

Dale slams his fist on the door when he finds out it's locked. I only try not to pass out. 

after a couple of minutes Dale comes closer.  "I'm so sorry for my behavior...  it's not your fault, I know that."

I look at him and my eyes start to water.  "what are we going to do now? what if the test was wrong and I'm apparently not pregnant..I can't do anything now." 

a thousands of horrible thoughts fly through my head; people torturing me, torturing Dale, squads locking me up..

"hey.." says Dale as his fingers slid through my hair.  "we'll be fine.. you'll be fine."

"I doubt that, my mother told me what happened the other girl.. we need to go away now! can you unlock these things?"

"I've got no idea how.. maybe I cou" says Dale when the door claps open and a middle aged man walks in.  Dale and I both sigh.

"Isabel,  I'm going straight to the point."

I give the man a confused look. and he comes closer.

"are you betraying us?"  he says calmly.  I look at Dale, hoping to find a reasonable answer. But he doesn't know. neither do I.  no-one does actually.

"no." I say. "so, why do you ask?" We exchange a couple of looks before he speaks again.  "why do you think the screen was empty?" 

because I might betray you. I say in my head.    "answer the question." the man orders. I start to shiver while I look at him. It's not the way he looks that scares me, it's the way he talks. cold and thrilled.

"because the screen broke down?" I try.  "don't be silly, kid" the man says mad.  "you're not pregnant,  and you understand I need to know why. so, tell me."

"wait. .what? I'm not? that's not possible!" I try.

"don't lie to me!"  he spits in my face. 

I don't know what I feel right now. Fear? Anger? Or am I relieved?

I can't say. What is he going to do?