STEP SISTER [LK] - 2nd book of STEP BROTHER

21. Song

4 years ago--

That's all my fault. My inner self keep remind me of what I've done as my mistake, I struggled so much even though now I live far from them. The distance is not affecting so much to the pain in me. It's getting worse and worse every day. I had been the amsoniac since the day I wake up from my comma that day. So many things crashing inside my head to the point it won't stop working, keep me awake even though my slow heartbeat begging my brain to stop and let them sleep.

You kill so many people. You do not deserve to be alive. I look at the distance, the same bright day like before. The same blue sky, the same bright and sunny day. Even until now I wonder will Jinny and B.I still alive if I didn't act all brave and risking their life instead of mine. I inhale as much as the fresh air into my lungs, give it its last chance to feel it.

You have such a good life when my auntie should suffer her life inside the asylum. All memories keep comes; they are coming just like the missing pieces of the unfinished puzzle I had in my mind. Am I even a killer? Or just everything around me went wrong? I am not even having intention to kill them all, but they fall just like snow, willingly, quickly, unstoppably.

I must been crazy, because I can always saw his face right beside me every time I called his name. It hurts me more than I could imagine. I love him but then I realize that my existence will only bring him in such confusion.

Kookie. I smile when I saw his face again, so beautiful and again, sad. He smiles sadly while looking into my eyes, his brown orbs twinkle beautifully, vividly as if he is really right beside me.

Now forget all the sad memories, hold my hand and smile. My eyes automatically finding it ways to his hand, where the couple rings placed. That's mine. That's our wedding rings. Strangely my chest feels tightened, as if it become narrowed and become smaller and smaller.

Jungkook loves me. No, he loves me. He pitied you. I can't stand how I simply throwing away my love to only give him the better life when in fact I don't even know that it's best thing I could do for him or not. Do I threw him to heaven or to hell, I don't know. No matter how far you reach for him, it's just an empty dream. Dream, you are only a dream. Wake up. Please wake me up.

I am here. You never walk alone, barbie. I am here. Where are you? Why don't you run and stop me from leaving you? Why don't you love me enough to at least give me the reason to stay? Why am I found my self alone, again? Where are you now? Sobs just run out from my lips as if I was singing, as I took the step forward, watching to the infinity.

But who want to stay alive with such the pain they had? It's better to die, it will end your pain, it will end your heart break, it will end everything. Will it Soomi? Will it make me free?Jinny I miss you, how can I meet you? I want to apologize to you and B.I. Will you forgive me, if I jump too?

"A man?" I startled to the voice from my back make me immediately look away, watching one man with the same patience uniform as mine walking straight to me. His face look so calm while he reaches my spot, at the edge of the rooftop where I want to end my life. Without making eye contact then he sat on the floor, hanging his both legs in the air watching to the ground, waving his hand to the crowd.

I didn't give him the answer but then he keep talking his shit which is strangely distract my sadness, pulling out the aching in my heart. "For your information, this hospital rooftop isn't high enough." I frown to him while he look up at me, his eyes look so small, his looks not really like a citizen around here, he more like an asians.