Train wreck [ Joseph Morgan ]

~{I NEED SOME TEMPORARY SAVING}~

[‼️WARNING‼️ self-harm is involved!!! ⏩skip if needed⏩]

🌜~{ Alice's .P.O.V. }~🌛

All those comments they were saying: "Bitch", "Slut", "Whore", "Hoe", & "C***" were all true. Every single word typed from their fingers onto comments and onto my screen was all true as I read every last comment in deep sadness.

"Such a SLUT!" One of Nate's fans wrote on my Insta post. The word "S-L-U-T" coming from the person's mouth replaying over in my head as tears threatened to fall from my eyes to the floor.

"I bet she slept with both of them.... JEUSUS CHRIST, SUCH A FUCKING WHORE!!! CHRIST SAKES..." A fan of Joseph's reacted angrily, by calling me a whore on the internet.

But who could stop him/her from voicing out their opinions... I couldn't so I took more insults as they flew at me one after the next.

"I hope you kill yourself you fucking slut for hurting my poor JoMo!"

And after I read that last comment and with a lot of thought and understanding, I knew it was the right decision to end my life in sake of Joseph and Nate and any other man in this fucking universe we live on...

And there I stood, in my room, sitting on my floor, blocking the door so Phoebe and Paul don't bother me. I look at my phone as it sits in my hand hoping and wishing Joseph or Nate would text or call me; I leave them a million voicemails but still no replies... Makeup running down my face from all the tears I can't stop from falling down slowly from all the pain and sadness I feel within side of me. Replaying all of our memories and fun times, but mostly our last conversations, wishing I said things differently before I did. Thinking to myself I'll never get him back.

And there I sat, in my room, sitting on the floor with a butcher knife in my hand a full bottle of Tylenol in the other. I roll up each of my long sleeves, revealing the newly cuts scratched against my skin with blood slowly oozing out from the wound while the others slowly begin to dry up and become scabs.

I gaze at each perfect cut grazed on my skin caused by me and I start to cry. And I knew deep down in the pit of my self conscious, I didn't have the courage to inform my closest friends about my self harming or even Joseph for that matter a fear they would hate me even more than they already did once they found out I was harming my..own...body!

And as the comments kept scrolling up after the next, I read each one indecisively and deep down I believed each and everyone of their opinions about me even though they were hurtful and prude in every unforesakeful way. I believed I was a: slut, c***, whore, and bitch. I hurt the two most important men in my life, I deserved to be called those hurtful words!

I look at the sharp and shiny butcher knife in my hand and start to dig deep lines within my skin as I drag the knife further down into my wrists as blood streams down from the cuts, staining the rug as I swallow down the rest of the pills till there was nothing left in the bottle.

And if you want to know, I have been cutting for 3 months now. I'm a freak, sicko, and I'm so fucked up. I'm 20, so you'd think I'd make better choices.

Everytime I cut, I see my pain flow away from me.

I have more cuts than I can count, and on really bad days I will cut 5 or more times, lots of cuts each time. They are getting deeper, and I cut a word into me for the first time today "train wreck".

I'm such a hypocrite, smiling saying I'm fine, yet I do this. I'm not fine, I'm the furthest from it. I want my pain to end so my cutting can end too. I don't know if I can do this journey . I'm scared. I want to die so... I did. (Not yet actually)

My eyesight goes blurry from all the excessive crying. I run the blade one more time but this time deeper into my flesh on the rim of my wrists where my veins are the most seeable to point out since my skin is so pale and oily. My skin stings as the knife cuts away the layer of skin meaning it worked, I hold in my tears as best as I could as I feel the pain coursing and throbbing intensely in my veins. Suddenly I slice through a nerve then a vein after the next after I get through the second layer of fat and I watch in bliss as a red shiny metallic liquid flows down my wrists like a river onto the floor, covering my body like a puddle.

So now I'll inform you of the big mistake I'm making, but I like you to watch the train wreck.

And I sat there, in my room, sitting on my floor bleeding to death, I knew this was for the best as I lay on my ground, covered in my own blood, sweat and vomit and slowly close my eyes and wait patiently for the shining light of god to take me...