You Are Everything (Completed)

Choices

Tick...tock...tick...tock...mind numbing, time wasting, relentless, marching of useless thoughts through my brain. I can't say I don't deserve this, but then again maybe I can. I'm the cute one. I'm the playful one. I'm the fun one. I had to much fun this time. I have allot of fun every time, but this time I went to far. I made my choices. I chose to drink way to much. I chose to get in my car. I didn't choose to crash it. I didn't choose for the media to find out. I didn't choose a scandal. I certainly didn't choose probation and rehab.

I stand up and rake my fingers through my dark hair. I'm stuck at home dealing with this shit. It's shit that I caused, but still shit. The spin YG gave the media was more shit covered in sugar. It was my fault, and only my fault. I knew better than to drink that much. I knew better than to drive. I should've tossed Ji Yong my keys when he asked for them. I should have taken a limo with him, and been driven home. Now, the world thinks I'm an alcoholic after one night and one mistake.

"SHHIIIIITT!" I scream into my empty house.

I clench my fists. How in the Hell do I get myself outta this one? I let the whole damn world down. My family is embarrassed, YG is furious, my members are supportive but are damn unhappy. The fans...God help them are so supportive and positive. They love us all so much. I don't deserve them being so kind to me. I don't deserve rehab either though. I swear I'm only being treated this way because I'm a celebrity. If it were anyone else this wouldn't be half as bad. I'm Seungri though! The court has to make an example of someone like me! They have to be harsh so that the public will get the hint that a DUI is a big deal!

I stomp my way into my kitchen, and start making instant ramen. I'm not sure I can even eat the way my stomach is turning. I finish preparing the ramen, and have a seat. I'm starting to eat, but halfway to my mouth there's a knock on my door. I heave out a sigh and lower the food back into my bowl. I push my seat back out and reluctantly trudge to the door.

I look through the peep hole, hoping like anything it isn't a reporter. I have another sigh, but one of relief this time. I throw open the door and welcome in my leader and hyung Ji Yong.
"C'min," I gesture for him to enter.
I lead the way onto my sofa and fall into it. I know I look pathetic, but really could care less right now.

"Let's hear it Ji."
He stays silent a moment, and just looks at me. I rake my fingers through my hair again.
"What exactly are you wanting to hear?"
I look at him, and I can't help it. The tears form in my eyes. I try to laugh them away, but end up just sobbing.
"Tell me I let you down! Tell me you're embarrassed by me! Tell me BIGBANG looks like a joke because of me! Tell me my career is over! Tell me..." I trail off not knowing what to say anymore.

To my surprise he says none of those things. Instead he scoots closer to me and takes my hand. He just let's me cry. I would rather he was angry. I'm throwing myself a Hell of a pity party, and now I have a witness.

Ji squeezes my hand,"Pull it together Ri. I know it's hard, but you have all of us."
I wipe my eyes, and with a sniffle square my shoulders. He gives me a half smile, and lets go of my hand to pat my back.
"Daesung will be here in the morning to drive you to your first appointment. Everything will be fine."
I look into the face of my leader. I sincerely hope he's right...