You Are Everything (Completed)

Getting Somewhere

I get ready for my now normal Friday morning. The usual morning routine of waking up alone, eating alone, showering, and dressing all alone. Young Bae will be here soon to take me to rehab therapy. Daesung had an appointment, but I'm pretty sure he just wanted a break from driving me around. I can't blame him. I would want a break too. My hyungs are so good to help me out, but I feel like a burden.

I hear a knock on the door, and answer.
"Hey YB. Thanks."
He bro hugs me, "No problem. How many more of these do you have to go to?"
I sigh as we walk to his car, "Just until the councillor signs the paperwork that says I don't have to go anymore."
He nods as we climb in,"That could be tough."
We buckle up and he pulls out onto the road. I run my fingers through my hair and let my hand fall back into my lap.
"It really isn't so bad. I thought it would be horrible, but my councillor is pretty cool."
He raises an eyebrow,"You're actually enjoying this? You?"
I give a little laugh, "Yeah...I am. She's pretty fun."
He laughs back, "Ah, SHE now I get it."
I huff, "It's not like that. She's like a friend...or more like an aunt. I like talking to her. Kinda feels like talking to my mom."
He nods again,"I miss my family too. So much work, and busy schedules, it's hard to find time."
I stare out the window and shrug, "That's why I like talking to her. It feels like home."

We pull up to the center and YB drops me off. I tell him I'll text him when finished and he drives away. I'm met at the door, once again, by Jae, "the puppy." He bounces with each step to Kathy's door and knocks. We hear a muffled, "Come in."

I walk in behind Jae, who bows to me slightly and scurries out. I catch the scent of coffee and cinnamon like always, but something else too. Medicine, kind of like a hospital, and look to find Kathy putting away what looks like an oxygen mask. She snaps her desk drawer shut, and looks up at me with a toothy grin.
"Good morning Ri. How are you? Busy as ever?"
She gestures for me to take a seat in the squishy chair, before getting up to make us each a cup of coffee. Kathy stumbles a bit, and I jump up to catch her elbow, "Are you alright?"
She waves me off, "I'm alright enough," her hand trembling slightly.
"Please sit down. This morning I'll make YOU coffee, ok?"
She gives me a sheepish smile, and takes a seat behind her desk.
"I haven't had a handsome man offer to make my morning coffee in ages."
I wriggle my eyebrows at her, "Oooooh you just called me handsome. I'm going to win you over yet!" I wink at her as I set her coffee on the desk.
She snorts as she picks up her mug, "Don't count on it. Ji has my heart remember?"
I give her a fake pout and have a seat with my mug. She giggles a bit, "Besides, I thought you wanted to win my daughter over not me."
I beam at her, "Yes Eomma."
"Not so fast young man, no Eomma, you're not my son-in-law."
I take a sip of coffee,"Yet."
She narrows her eyes at me over her cup, "Easy killer. Now," she takes a sip and sets her mug down,"why are you here?"
I take a deep sigh, "Because I got way to drunk, and crashed my car."
She nods,"Why did you get so drunk?"
I blink at her,"Because...it's fun."
She tilts her head to the side, "Is it? What happens when you get drunk?"
I shrug, "I dunno. I laugh allot, hang with my friends, bring a girl home, things like that."
She nods, "So when you're drinking you're around people?"
"Yeah. I guess so."
She takes another sip of coffee and sets it back down, "So do you drink alone?"
I look down into my own mug, "No...maybe a beer but that's it."
"Ri?" I look back up at her, "Why do you drink?"
I feel my eyes fill up, but I don't want to answer. My answer is ridiculous to me. I'm surrounded by people constantly.
"Ri? Can you tell me?"
I blink back the salty traitors in my eyes, "Because people like me when I'm fun."
She gives me a gentle smile, "They can like you without all that you know."
I give a little laugh, "Ok...I'm lonely. People come around when I'm fun and loud. I'm not a drunk though."
She looks at me, and if possible, her face softens even more.
"I know you're not a drunk Ri, but I also know that you needed to hear yourself say that out loud at least once. It's ok to be lonely. It's not ok to be a puppet for others. You do not owe anyone a show off stage. You are you, and there's something great about that."
I am silent. I have no idea what to say. I rake my fingers through my hair and let my head fall back in the chair. I know I'm alone at home. Sometimes I even feel alone in a crowd. It never occurred to me to tell anyone that I'm lonely. It's so hard to be able to trust others as a public figure, but I often do. I get hurt, but it's just a part of being famous. I snap my head back up, and look at Kathy who's still watching me intently.
"So...I'm here because I'm lonely?"
She smiles, "Now we're getting somewhere."
She tents her still shaking hands and gives me a knowing stare.

Kathy and I talk a bit longer. I make sure she'll be at my party tomorrow night, as if I need to ask. Her eyes light up when she reminds me that as long as Ji is coming she'll be there. I'm a touch jealous, but I brush it off. I get to see Laurel again. Hopefully, I can steal her away from Kathy's side long enough to get to know her some. Maybe, if I play my cards right, I won't have to talk about being lonely anymore.