Surrender

Chapter Eighteen

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

There is so much tension between us, my hands start to sweat and I clasp them behind my back. We get caught up in these moments and we don’t speak, we just stare at each other. He decides to move first and he strides towards me, his eyebrows pulled together in concern. He stops right in front of me and lifts his hands, placing them softly on my face. I haven’t been icing every 2-3 hours like Dr. Stevens instructed me, so when his cold fingertips make contact with my enflamed skin, I can’t help but sigh. He lightly traces the bruises on my face and then runs his index finger over my bottom lip, lingering on the cut there.

“What happened?” He asks me, his voice so low it comes out in a silky whisper. He isn’t looking into my eyes, he’s studying my face. I could tell him I fell down the stairs, or I could tell him the truth. Why shouldn’t he know the truth? Standing here, I feel more inclined to be honest with him than anyone else. My eyes flick to the window where, outside, Darcie, Harry and Gemma sit in the grass, talking. The room suddenly feels too small and I start to panic. I take a step back and he reaches for me.

“Not here.” I say in a shaky voice. “Follow me.” I turn around and head for the door, listening as he trails closely behind me. I’m slowly losing my confidence and I’m not sure I can be honest with him. His very presence puts all of my worries at ease, my mind goes…quiet, and I can hear other things except my own limitations. Maybe Harry is right, I should take a leap of faith and give it a try. But, that would require an awful lot of surrendering on my part and I don’t have the strength that demands. I lead him into my back yard, and across the lawn. The better part of the land we own is connected directly to a dense forest. There’s a small waterfall with a pool at the bottom full of clear, cool water. Aaron found an old wooden path a few years back that leads you straight to it, detouring slightly to a tall, worn and weathered tree. Louis follows silently behind me, most likely only following me to find out the reason for the bruises. I lead him into the thick, green forest, pushing aside branches and stepping over rocks. When we reach the wooden path I can see the tall, moss covered tree come into view. Louis stops walking, but I take a few more steps, putting a little more distance between us.

“Rae, tell me what happened.” He pleads, trying his best to hide the anger in his voice. I squeeze my eyes shut and do my best to force the truth to manifest itself.

“It’s a really long story.” I say weakly.

“Don’t worry, Harry already filled me in.” He says in a bitter voice. I lift my head and turn around to look at him.

“He did?” I ask. It must have been last night after Harry and I talked. He smirks darkly at me and lets out a low chuckle.

“It surprised me too, I expected it to come from you.” He says sternly, leaning forward slightly. He knows exactly how to get a rise out of me.

“What was I supposed to say? Hey, just calling to tell you I got attacked today, sleep tight!” My voice starts to rise as the impending excitement of an argument sparks within me.

“Anything would have been better than nothing, Rae. I saw you the morning that piece of shit came to your house and we talked on the phone the night he attacked you, and you said everything was fine. And then you…” His voice dies away as he runs a hand through his hair. He looks away and shifts his weight from side to side, his nerves getting the best of him. “When I said that this could work…” He’s struggling, his words getting caught in his throat. “When I said that this can work, what went through your mind?” He asks me in a small voice.

“I don’t know.” I say. He shakes his head.

“Yes you do or you wouldn’t have hung up the phone, or lied to me, or Harry or Darcie. Let me guess, you lied to your brother too, didn’t you?” He spits at me. He isn’t afraid to test me, to yell at me and make me feel like I should fight back.