Surrender

Chapter Thirty

CHAPTER THIRTY

AN: So excited and so amazed I actually made it this far! Happy Chapter 30! (I usually quit things pretty early on so this is a miracle) But anyway, vote and comment your thoughts and opinions :) I love all of my readers, so damn much!

He's staring at me like I'm an animal in an exhibit; strange and unknown. He looks good today, his hair is wild and unkempt and it make shim look a few years younger. He has on a dark gray T shirt and dark jeans on. I hadn't noticed before, but he's wearing glasses with very thick, dark frames. I'm starting to get a little antsy under his gaze and I look away, picking up a sticki notepad and fiddling with it.

"Don't worry," I say in a light and carefree voice, or an attempt at one, "I won't kiss you again." I say with a slight chuckle, hoping that my sad little joke will lighten the mood, but by the ashen look on his face...I failed. "Too soon?" I quickly throw in there to make matters worse. Geez Rae, shut up. No wonder you trip so much, one foot is always in your damn mouth. He puts his feet on the floor and stands, setting his book down with a loud thud.

He looks mad, but I can't tell for sure.

"Are you...are you okay?" I venture, my voice small and cautious. He keeps staring at me not saying anything. This must be what Louis felt like before we got involved. Or...further involved.

"I'm confused." He suddenly says, shoving his hands in his pockets and scrunching up his shoulders. It's vague, but it's a start.

"About..." I urge, drawing out the end of the word to elicit some kind of continuation of his thought process.

"You kissed me." He states, more for himself than for me as he sorts through his thoughts. "And then you told me couldn't because you were seeing someone." He pauses, staring at the floor and then looks up at me, his dark blue eyes standing out against his tan skin. "Is that right?" He asks me, raising one of his thick, dark eyebrows.

"Yeah that's...that's what happened." I'm confused by his need to go over the details of what happened. He was there, he knew, so why is he doing this?

"Rae." He says, leaning into me, his eyes wide. I don't know Beck very well, and what I do know I like, but what I don't know is frustrating me. I don't know how to navigate his feelings, he's different than Louis. If I were having this conversation with Louis we'd be yelling by now, our feelings sprawled out on the table, halfway to making up. It's completely unhealthy, we barely communicate, but it works, somehow it works.

"Beck?" His name comes out as a question and I am extremely uncomfortable. He squints his eyes at me, like I'm a painting and there is a line he can't quite make out.

"Did you enjoy it?" He asks, relaxing into the side of the desk, his face is now smooth and composed. And here I was, thinking Louis was the only one with swift mood changes.

"Uh...no?" I say, once again my response sounding like a question. He arches an eyebrow.

"No?" He asks. I blanch, my hands starting to sweat.

"Well, no. I mean, yes. I mean..." My mouth is dry and I swallow. When did this conversation take this turn?

"It's a yes or no answer Rae." He says kindly. I tuck my hair behind my ear and gather my thoughts before I say anything else. I'd be lying if I said he wasn't attractive and that there was a part of me that enjoyed flirting with him and teasing him and eating pizza on the floor with him. So yes, a part of me did enjoy the kiss, but that's not the point of this conversation, and it most definitely is not the point of our relationship.

"That's not the point." I say, putting my hands on my hips. He seems startled and he smiles at me.

"It isn't? Then what is?" He asks, amused by the rise he's getting out of me.