Surrender

Chapter Thirty Five

Hope you like this chapter!! (: Everyone go check out my pal @thezaptattoo's story, Runaway! It's a Harry one and it's really different and unique, check it out and give him some feedback okay? okay.

 

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CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

Louis' POV:

Fuck I'm pissed.

And not just because I know Rae is hiding something from me, but because I've been acting like a needy, overbearing housewife. I can see and hear myself being exactly what I hate, but I can't help myself. She makes me crazy, and the fact that I just want every part of her for myself doesn't make acting sane any easier. Is it so hard for her to give me a straight answer? Why can't she just trust take a leap of faith with me and stop second guessing herself? It's almost like she won't let herself think about going to Boston because she can't let go of what's here, or what used to be here. I just want to shake her and make her see that everything is going to be okay, that I'm doing everything in my power to make it so. I glance over at her to see she still hasn't moved from her stiff, stubborn position. Screw her for turning me on just by sitting there with that sexy glare on her face. When she's angry with me her eyebrows come together and make two small lines on her forehead, and she puckers her lips showing a slight dimple in the corner of her mouth that usually hides behind her mask of "fine". It's been about 2 hours since we last spoke and I can't take the silence anymore, I have to get away. I quickly stand and walk as evenly as I can down the hallway, trying to get as far away from her as I can. I've changed so much in such a short amount of time, but right here, right now I feel as frustrated and conflicted with myself about her as I did when we first met. Anger is surging through me and I have to release some of it. I duck into the nearest bathroom and ball my hands into fists, my breathing picking up at a rapid pace. I spin around and take swing at one of the stall doors, my fist connecting loudly with the metal. A loud bang echoes around the small bathroom as I stare at the spot I just hit, adrenaline propelling me forward and I hit it again, and again, and again, and again, until I can finally feel the dull ache and sting in my knuckles and I stop. There's blood on the door and a small dent where my hand made contact so many times. There's pain shooting up my arm now and I shake out my hand, my fingers tight and sore. My knuckles are split open and there is blood dripping down my fingers.

"Dammit." I mutter as I turn on the sink and let the cold water wash over the cuts. I don't know how I'm going to explain this. I wipe my hand and wrap a paper towel around my hand and grab another to wipe off the stall door. I toss the paper towel in the trash and lean against the wall, my exhaustion dragging me down the floor. Why is she so frustrating all the damn time? I just want to be close to her, and not just in a physical way, but mentally and emotionally. I want to know her mind and her heart, is that too much to ask? Apparently it is. I could leave her, I could just pick up and leave one night while she's sleeping and go back to Boston and forget I ever met her... But I know that isn't true. I couldn't leave her because she's the one I want to leave with. I couldn't leave her because she's all I want when I wake up and when I go to sleep at night. My thoughts are going at a 100 miles a minute. I'm too afraid to ask her if she might be pregnant because of all the negativity she has towards having a family, and what if she isn't and I just scare her? But what if she is and she isn't telling me? She's the kind of person that would hide this from me and make an irrational decision to get rid of it. But...she wouldn't do that, would she? I sigh and lean my head back, closing my eyes against the truth. Of course she would, she thins she can do everything on her own and it will all work out.

There is something so irritating about hospitals, something about the eerie silence that makes my thoughts too loud and my fears come alive. There's a soft knock on the door and I tense up, hoping it isn't Rae or I might fly off the handle again. A short blonde haired nurse pokes her head around the corner, her eyes roaming around the bathroom until they fall on me.