K'hat'n'dlawa

Amok Time

Amanda smoothed the gown over her stomach, and tugged the sleeves down. She stared into the mirror- trying her best to force away the rising tide of fear. So far, it wasn't really working.

This had all happened so suddenly...again, it was all too soon. She had thought they would have another month or two, but she was wrong. He had been wrong. T'Pau had been wrong. They all had been. And now, she was preparing for her wedding...and what would follow.

She'd tried to sleep the night before, knowing that she would need her rest, but had been unable to. She was restless, anxious...scared. She'd forced herself to eat dinner, and breakfast that morning, knowing she would need her strength- but she had no appetite. How could she, when she so dreaded what would soon follow?

Amanda had not seen Sarek since she went to his quarters. At times, she felt his emotions- and each time, it only scared her more. It was a tangled web of anger and sorrow- and most prevalently, desire and need. He was becoming consumed by it. He had waited too long- they should have been in the caves already, but he was in denial when it started. And now, he was forced to wait. She knew the waiting was only making it worse for him...and ultimately, for her.

The servants all seemed to know- T'Shan, especially. She had likely known it was coming all along, and maybe that was why she had been so unaffected by catching Amanda that day as she exited his room. She was surely no stranger to Pon Farr, although Amanda had never asked if she was bonded.

The door chimed, and she looked over her shoulder.

"Come in," she called, and the door slid open. T'Shan entered.

"Osu Sarek has left for the ancestral marriage grounds. It is time for you to leave, as well," she said. Amanda nodded jerkily, and looked back at the mirror. The pale purple gown was made of a thin, filmy fabric that clung to her form- it would be easily removed, she noted. She had left her hair loose around her shoulders...her appearance was simple, uncomplicated.

She took a shaky breath and let it out- aware that T'Shan's eyes were on her.

"I knew this was coming, but..." Amanda trailed off, and shook her head.

"Yet you find yourself not entirely prepared," T'Shan finished. Amanda looked at her- surprised that the Vulcan seemed to know exactly what was going through her mind.

"Yes," she admitted. For the first time, she almost felt as if they could someday be friends. "But that doesn't matter."

"No, it does not," T'Shan agreed. "You knew this day would arrive, and willingly give yourself to the cause. It would be illogical to regret that decision now."

"I know that," she whispered, and stepped away from the mirror, looking around at her chamber.

"You must go now, Lady Amanda," T'Shan said. Amanda looked sharply at her- she had never called her 'Lady' before, although she knew it would soon be her title. T'Shan always called her 'Ms. Grayson'. Those days were over, and the rest of her life was about to begin. T'Shan recognized this, as well.

She was led through the mansion and down to the waiting hover-car. The ride was silent but short, her only company being T'Shan, who sat beside her; looking straight ahead without a word. If ever there was a time when Amanda needed a kind word, it was now- and there was no worse place to have that need than on Vulcan. This was yet another thing she must become accustomed to, she thought to herself- suffering alone, and in silence.

They stopped some distance away from a circle of stone pillars to the east. There was already a crowd gathered there, apparently waiting for her- and she saw T'Pau among them, seated on a chair with long handles that could be carried. She wore ceremonial robes, and watched with disinterest as Amanda climbed out of the hover-car.