K'hat'n'dlawa

Epilogue

When Amanda awoke her face felt stiff. She opened her eyes to find herself looking into a very familiar face.

"You're still here," she said, her voice thick. Her throat was sore, her eyes puffy...but the unbearable emotional pressure that had weighed on her was gone. She had cried it away the night before. Now she just felt...empty. Hollowed out.

"Where else would I have gone?" he asked, stroking her hair and kissing her lightly. "I have not left the room since you went to sleep."

"Thank you, Sarek. For staying on Vulcan," she said, letting her eyes slip closed.

"There is no need to thank me. I was not in any state to go either."

She opened her eyes again. He looked calm, collected...as he always did. She thought back to the night before- to how he had broken. She recalled the pain in his eyes, in his voice...the emotions she had felt from him. She had not been the only one to cry. She'd felt his tears too; they had been silent and few but they had mingled with her own.

She reached up to lay a hand on his cheek, her thumb stroking the corner of his mouth. He raised his hand to hers and caught her fingers- interlacing them together with his. She watched as he closed his eyes. He looked to be deep in thought, silently reflecting on something that was an unknown to her. "There's something you want to say. I can sense it," she said gently. "Tell me, Sarek."

A moment of silence fell between them- peaceful and contemplative before he finally answered her, his voice low.

"I had doubts," he said quietly. "About our marriage. I considered releasing you from the bond even if you tried to refuse."

"When? Last night?" she asked. He nodded, closing his eyes again briefly.

"I found that I would not be able to commit such a crime against myself. I do not know how you have affected me this way or how it impedes my ability to make logical decisions, but it does. It would be logical to end this. Yet I cannot- will not."

She listened silently, looking up at the man who was her husband- the Vulcan who had only ever let down his emotional barriers for her. He was letting them down again...she could sense it.

"We have had many difficult times and there will be many more. Last night I gave up hope. I could see nothing but misery in our future...there was nothing but darkness and despair. But then I lay next to you...I smelled your hair, felt your skin against mine...I recalled the times when I have been the most content and realized they were all when I was with you. It is selfish, but I refuse to give you up. I refuse to allow this despair to continue. We cannot change what happened...but we still have many things to look forward to and strive for. Do not allow yourself to dwell on this, my ashayam. If you do, we have no hope for our future and we will only destroy what remains of this relationship."

"I want to hope. I just don't know if I can right now," she said softly, nuzzling her face closer to his chest. "I don't know if I can heal from this pain."

"Then I will help you," he replied, tilting her face so she looked up at him. "You once told me our relationship is worth the pain. Do you not still believe that?"

"I do, but..." She couldn't finish the thought. She didn't know what she was going to say.

"Then try, Amanda. You cannot dwell on pain and misery. This situation cannot be helped that way."

"I will try," she said. She honestly did not think it would be as easy as he made it sound...but he was right. If she dwelt on this they would not be able to move forward. And she did want to put this behind her.

They did not speak for several moments, during which he closed his eyes and continued to stroke her hair. Then she remembered something he had said.