I didn't plan on this ,
I always followed my heart ,
I always wanted to rush head first even after knowing I'll be hurt , because -
that's who I was -
someone who always harkened
to the call of the heart ;
I didn't plan on this -
I didn't .
I didn't know that my heart would wither and freeze and blacken
in the process .
I didn't know .
But now ,
what has happened ,
has already happened .
There is nothing that I can do .
Even though I want to ,
I just can't want to .
I am glad I stopped - feeling .
I am glad I cannot feel
love , hope , happiness , pain , joy .
Ability to feel just puts you in
so much of responsibility .
I didn't know
how , when , it happened ;
but it did .
Good that it did ,
because ,
I wonder what would have happened if I could still feel .
I could not have been able to absorb all that pain of being having
your lover breathe in the
other side of the world ;
for years and years ...
still loving , with the uncertainty to even meet again in the distant future .
He doesn't know
that I refuse to get close ,
to be attached more .
I pretend as if I'm unaware
of the walls I built again .
Good that I don't feel anymore .
Good that I'm stopping
my insides to be affected .
Because now ,
there will be no pain .
I know , to not feel , is ruthless .
But then , I don't want to go back to those days on cold floor
when I cried to death .
I'm too coward to feel .
YOU ARE READING
i n s i d e h e r b e e h i v e
Poetry" where she is the queen " At this point, my words don't even mean anything, my lines are random, my meanings are all over the place, my endings are left in the middle. I've not the slightest idea if I can compose something coherent. It all feels li...
