Better Left Unsaid

13

"We can't go on like this forever Victor."

"I know that!" Victor stood up.

"Then what?"

"Have you already made your choice?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"I will not tell you." This plain numbness seemed to have taken over Heine's face. "Not until you make yours."

"I can't."

"You can, a child can't, but you...you have to."

"You've lost your mind." Victor shakily laughed. Running a hand through his hair.

"No."

"Fine then." He let go of his hair and dropped his hand down. His face going flat. "I've made my decision."

"Alright." Heine didn't say anything more for a moment. He got stood up. He put the chair back in its place, pushing Victor at a distance in the process. He gripped the chair and didn't dare to look at the other. His grip was strong, knuckles turning white. "You're going to hate me." He spoke up again. "And I want you to because that would make all this easier." He hated that he had to say this, loathed this moment with the utmost passion.

"Heine..."

"I hate myself for loving you. Because it has created such an ache in you that you don't deserve. We need distance. We need to distance ourselves to remind ourselves of reality."

"I know."

"Good." He waited for Victor to leave. To hear those steady footsteps grow farther and the shutting of the large door. To be alone and contemplate the past. The usual in a sense but with the added bonus of having Victor hate him.

"But," The word cut like a knife through his thoughts. The steady footsteps instead grew closer. Stopped in two strides. He looked up and to Victor. He showed nothing but surprise. Victor's hands cupped his face. His grip on the chair fell. "to think I would hate because of it is absurd. I love you too much for that." He leaned down and grew closer. Their lips just grazing each other when a loud bang on the doors sounded through the room.

Victor immediately seperated from him. Both looked at the door with wide eyes.

"My room, midnight." Victor whispered to him. He nodded near subconsciously and walked to the door. He opened it only to find the four princes staring back at him. He didn't say anything he just stared. Like his brain turning on defenses and going numb.

"Professor, are you alright?" Licht spoke with concern.

"Hm?" He blinked.

"You're crying."

~

Heine,

It has been years. It is odd how many years actually. I have five sons oddly enough. Of course, you know that. Though it is odd how much time that means has passed.

Forgive me for waiting so long to send a letter. I have been quite busy. King's duties and all that are still quite new to me despite the years. I think I'm doing a good job. Do you?
I hope so.

I hope too much I think. You always did keep me grounded. Lately I have been with my head in the clouds. Never good for a king.

I have been simply thinking about you much more lately. I miss you. In all honesty.

However, I propose to you an idea. My sons are in need of a royal tutor. I suppose you're the best candidate for the job. Also the last candidate for the job. Insane, really. You will benefit from it greatly. It pays well and you will be seen in a high regard throughout the kingdom.

It's just an idea for now.

It would be nice to have you closer to me though. Don't you think?

Sincerely,
Victor.

~

Heine's eyes went wide. His heart sped. He blinked rapidly trying to stop his rebellious eyes.

"I suppose I am." He said, wiping his face. Trying his best to shrug it off.

"That's extremely concerning." Bruno said, brows furrowed in concern.

"No need to be concerned."

"But-"

"Perhaps this can also be a lesson. I'm not entirely sure how but I'm sure I can figure something out."

"Mast-"

"Just give me a minute." He stepped back and closed the door. He backed away quietly, turning to Victor. Blue met amber and understanding tied them together. "I can't." He whispered. "I can't do this." He hurried to the windows at the opposite end. They flew open. He looked to Victor again as it were the last time. "Just give me a minute..." His voice broke. He turned back to the window.

A sigh came out of as he stepped up. He lunged forwards and disappeared into the night.

~

Victor,

You're quite the nervous King. Don't be wary, you're doing a wonderful job. I'm proud. I never thought I would see the kingdom as a place I would call home.

Now, I'm not entirely opposed to the idea of being the royal tutor. I understand the benefits but there are still consequences to it. Those princes have made quite a name for themselves. Not only that but I'm afraid of what the past might cause for them. I suppose you're going to have to find a way to make sure no one finds the past between us. Then and only then will I take the position.

I miss you too. I would love nothing but to be closer to you. Though, we would be strained more so than before. I'm not sure if I could survive that.

Give me some time to collect what I need and I will be ready any time you need me.

It surely will much to handle. Though, Im sure you would say that if anyone could teach them, it would be me.

Usually you're the one to be emotional. You really have rubbed off on me. Or I've gone mad.

Most likely the latter.

Sincerely,
Heine.