Better Left Unsaid

14

"Father?" Kai. He stopped breathing. Not daring to move from his place or avert his eyes from the window.

"Where's Heine?" Licht.

"Why are you here?" Leo.

"What happened?" Bruno.

"Nothing happened." He turned around. Keeping his voice firm and himself steady. He had to stay calm. For theirs and his sake. "Just give him a minute."

"How long is a minute exactly?" Bruno asked.

"Not enough." He breathed, looking back at the open window. He had to think quick, do something, anything. He understood now. And it pained him. He wanted nothing more than to break whatever was in his way. He wanted to scream. He was angry at himself. This was all his fault.

He knew better than to do what he wanted. Acting out was not smart. It's what Heine would say. Be calm.

~

"Stupid." Wood cracked under Heine's fists. "Stupid." He repeated. A dent clear in the tree. "Stupid!" His voice raised. He hit the thick trunk harder. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" His throat grew dry with the louder his voice got. Hands bleeding heavily, purple with bruises. One last hit, blood painting the bark. "Stupid." His voice grew down to a whisper. He leaned on the tree feeling his energy leave him. "Stupid Victor." His voice cracked. A quiet sob escaped his throat. "I can't..." He fell to his knees. "...do this alone."

In truth, alone was all he ever was. It didn't mean that the weight wasn't far too much. He always dealt with it alone. When Victor came alone, it was only then that he understood what it mean to have support. He appreciated him for continuing to support despite Heine saying no. He loved him for that.

This barrier between them made that part harder. It was debatable whether waiting for a letter to come was any better than being in the palace waiting to just catch a glance. It hurt. It all hurt so much.

It hurt him especially to start to think that the reason he even stayed and kept talking to Victor was because of the princes. He was afraid he'd gone mad. Victor just wasn't doing enough. He felt greedy for wanting more knowing full well that more would bring risk.

He may be a grown man. But he's still in some way that stupid homeless orphan. Childish. He was throwing a tantrum. He is greedy like a child and he's throwing a fit for more.

It was all so stupid. He shouldn't have to care. This shouldn't be so hard. He shouldn't be alone.

He shakily shifted so his back was to the tree. His hair scattering on his face, sticking due to the build up in sweat. He heaved.

Despite the frustration and the anger towards Victor, he still found himself asking; what would Victor say?

He licked his dry lips. His tear-stained face feeling puffy and sticky. Hands oozing blood, some was dry making him slightly wonder how long he'd been out here.

What would Victor say? He wouldn't say much. Victor was a man a few and simple words, willing to speak what he needed or wanted to. He was kingly in that sense. Wise in entirety. So of course he would say only the wisest of things.

Be calm.

~

"Do you think he's alright?" Leo asked with a frown. Victor put a hand on his son's shoulder. Reassurance.

"I'm sure he is, don't worry about him." He held a small smile.

"...Are you alright?" His eyes widened at the question, smiling falling.

"What do you mean?"

"That smile, it's the one you put on when you're worried. Are you alright, dad?" Leo was still like a child to him. He almost missed the days when the boy was small enough to spin around. Though his growth is amazing, he was smarter than he seemed. He smiled again, much softer and genuinely.

"I'm fine, Leonhard." He he squeezed Leo's shoulder slightly. "Get some rest, it's late." He let go of the prince and walked away. He could feel Leo's stare bore into his back. He stayed on guard until he heard the large door click open and shut.

His shoulders and head dropped. His lungs let go in a sigh. He was no where near relaxed at the moment. He really didn't know where Heine went. He trusted Heine but this was worrying. Heine wasn't in his right mind at the moment. Where ever he was, he hoped Heine would come back safe and unharmed. It wasn't entirely guaranteed.

He glanced to the window next to him and caught sight of a silhouette. He stopped and turned himself to the window. A bird looked straight him. Upon closer inspection, he identified it.

A dove.

Without a thought, he found himself closing his eyes. He wasn't one to pray, they shared their nihilism. Now was best though. He just wanted Heine safe.

For Heine.