Belligerent

01

It has been many years since then. It's been 7 years, to be precise. In my mind, I could still recall the tension, my way of life, the desperateness, and the reassurance I felt that day. However, the scar still remained as a permanent reminder of the events of that day. I never wanted any of it, neither did anyone, but it was an unfortunate turn of events. I always wondered what would I have done differently prior to that day. Would things be different than they are now? Or would they be the same but with less damage? 

It seemed like no matter how much I distracted myself, the pain and guilt always managed to find a way back to me. It's just like hearing the same broken record over and over. Reminiscing about every little detail prejudiced the way I would think about certain things. Each second of the event was still a vivid, yet clear memory at the same time, every time I reflected upon it. It seemed like time was passing too fast for anybody to grasp. That applied to everyone in the prefecture, especially those who have been there the longest. Perhaps some of us who have seen so much will get tired of the same cycle happening over and over again. Some people, however, seem to grasp concepts far more quickly than any of us could possibly imagine.

It must be strange to be that person. Does it qualify as a curse? Could this be classified as a superhuman ability? Could it simply be considered part of being mature enough?

"Lieutenant Kim,"
I snapped out of it and looked at him. "S-sorry, what?"

"I asked if you were done typing out the report on our last case," he looked at me and my screen. "Is everything alright?" glancing at me, worriedly. I looked at him and back at my computer screen. "Yes. No worries."

As he walked away, he glanced back at me and headed for the supervisor's office. As I slumped at my desk, I breathed a sigh of relief. Even after all the commotion that happened almost a decade ago, my days rarely go exactly as I want them to. Although it is definitely agonizing for anyone to carry such a heavy burden, sometimes people expect you to move on as if nothing ever happened. That's the case for everyone but me. Although I don't dislike it when people share their pity with you and try to earn your goodwill, the nerve-racking factor out of it is when someone shoves it up to your face and never expects that you will act aggressively toward them in return. 

The least you could do is be genuine about it.

𖧷

In the blink of an eye, I didn't realize how many hours have passed already. I rose from my seat at 5 pm and decided to call it a day. Even though I have done mostly nothing but to file a few paperwork away, my body couldn't help but feel exhausted. I have been meaning to take a break from work and find a temporary solitude for a couple of days until I felt like coming back. One thing I appreciated the district for was how they handled my situation well. They allowed me to take things slow and work at my own pace, although sometimes, I feel as if they are growing tired of the special treatment I get seeing as working under the law is not a job one must be given a pass. Especially the senior lieutenants and directors. 

A cool, summer breeze greets me as soon as I open the glass door. In the air, there was the constant sound of footsteps, tires screeching, and traffic ahead. After a while, I became comforted by this. The rustling sounds of paper in the background and officers walking in and out of the office accompanied by the sound of desk officers with the sound of keyboard tapping. It could just be me, but after all these years, what I found comforting changed drastically. It was the little things that gave me some sort of comfort. Nowadays, I despised a silent atmosphere around me.  
With enough time left on my hands, I decided to go for a short walk and enjoy the city, which would be just as lively after the sun goes down as it has been during the day. I never had moments like these where I had time to myself to enjoy those around me. Though it made sense that I never had a moment to myself as I did try to distract myself from harboring those certain thoughts. 

My past self would probably have done something different. I wasn't always pessimistic growing up. In fact, my teenage mind thought everything was perfect. I had loving parents and a loving brother, whom I couldn't see myself asking for more. They were everything I wanted in life. Unfortunately, not all fairy tales have a perfect ending to them.