Belligerent

16 - Taerin

The car ride was 45 mins in and during so, I couldn't help but feel sleepy once again. Maybe it was because of the deafening silence that prompted me to think as such. Or was it because of the car ride itself? Either way, my body was exhausted, and the thought of laying on my own bed made me excited. It has been a while since I slept on a proper bed - not that the one provided by Dami was uncomfortable whatsoever - but being in a space I own gives that sense of security and comfort. 

It made me wonder if my apartment was ever kept the same way I left it or did anyone even bother to at least clean it? It might have been at least a week - or more - that I was gone. 
"We're here. Ms. Kim?" one of Dami's bodyguards said. I nodded and opened the car door. As I got out, I noticed we traveled with not one car, but two. You're too overprotective, Dami.  I sighed in relief and bid farewell to them. I walked towards the apartment building and slowly made my way inside. The lobby was silent with the receptionist - who seemed to have her attention somewhere else - as per usual. While waiting for the elevator, I looked back one last time and saw how neither car drove away yet.
The elevator dinged and its doors opened, I let out another sigh of relief and finally entered. I tried to get on my phone but later realized it already died. It was awkward even for me to be alone in an elevator. The only thing that could contain my sanity was the elevator music - and it was your typical elevator jingles - but I didn't mind. I eventually reached my apartment floor and went out of the elevator as soon as possible. I dug through my purse to look for the keycard on my way to my apartment when I saw a man just outside my door. He looked disheveled and tired. I slightly hid in a corner and watched as he seemed to be out of breath. He wasn't wearing my unit's uniform nor was he wearing any fancy suits but just sweatpants, a hoodie, and for some reason a face mask. He fixed himself, looked around, and walked away. I made sure that he was out of sight before I ran to my door and went inside. 

I leaned against the back of the door in relief and removed my shoes. The motion-sensor light went on and I noticed a pair of shoes I recognized on the floor. I looked around in the dimly lit apartment first just to comfort myself that it was indeed Sangwoo's shoes that were on the doorstep. There was nothing out of the place other than a few bags of snacks and medicine on the kitchen island. I saw how the curtains were neatly drawn close in the living room which meant Sangwoo could be on the couch, either passed out or he simply chose to sleep on it. I walked towards the couch and he was indeed laying there. 
Sangwoo was sleeping soundly with a jacket barely covering him. I put my stuff down on the coffee table before going into my room to look for a spare blanket. I opened the sheet cabinet and got one of the new blankets. I got out of my room and went back to the living room. I carefully laid the blanket out on top of Sangwoo's body and tucked him in gently. He gently shifted and grasped my hand. 

I didn't know if he was aware that it was me or not but he mumbled a few words under his breath. I kneeled down next to the couch, caressed his face, and let out a sigh. I heard him let out a soft whimper and watched as a single tear, run down the side of his face. I felt sorry for him as I'd never seen him in a vulnerable state for a long time. 
"Don't leave me," he muttered with eyes closed, grasping my hand but with desperation. My heart sank even more and wondered what was going on in his mind right now. I wanted to comfort him and tell him it was going to be okay, but a part of me was saying that nothing will ever be okay. No matter how much we both wanted to move on. 
He slowly opened his eyes and we briefly made eye contact before I embraced him. 
"T-taerin?" He said, in a shocked, raspy voice. 

I broke off the embrace and caressed his face with both hands, "It's me." He looked dumbfounded for a while before immediately embracing me back again. "You're back, oh god," he said, his voice a bit shaky. "All in one piece," I said, gently patting him on the back. We stayed in the same position as I listened to him silently sobbing and sniffing. It felt like we were in our own bubble and nothing else mattered. This was one of those moments I had to keep dear in my heart, so as to be reminded of myself that even for someone like Sangwoo, he had his vulnerable moments. Even if someone perceives themselves as hard as a wall, there will be times when cracks form. And those same cracks can cause the wall to give up and break down by itself. 
Sangwoo broke off from the embrace, wiping his tears away and rubbing his face before blinking a few more times to look at me. 
"Fuck, it really is you," he said, almost as if he became sober instantly. I let out a small chuckle at his reaction. "You're not hurt, right?" He asked, looking up and down. I shook my head and kneeled to reach his level. He reached his hand out to gently caress my face and he let out a small sigh. 

"Sorry, you had to discover me like this.." he said, laughing at himself. "Don't be sorry, it's okay," I replied, bringing a hand back to his cheek and gently caressing him. 
The next few moments were a blur. Sangwoo pulled himself closer and leaned in. We looked at each other briefly before he closed the distance between us. His lips were soft, followed by the bitter taste of alcohol. He pulled away for a bit, a look of longing plastered in his eyes. 

"I...I'm sorry..I shouldn't have.." He said, as he sat upright and looked away. A part of me felt disappointed in him. I wanted to ask why he was hesitant or why he couldn't look directly into my eyes anymore. But a part of me argued that this wasn't right -  that the kiss was a mistake that would forever bore consequences in their lives. I heaved a sigh and got up from the floor then proceeded to sit next to him. 

We sat in there in silence, avoiding each other's gazes. After a few minutes, he finally spoke. But this time I was entirely at a loss for words when he asked the question I was trying to avoid for quite a long time. 

"Taerin, what am I to you?"