I'll Find You

To Be Without You

It's so hard to be without you
Lying in the bed, you are so much to be without
Rattles in my head, that empty drum filled with doubt
Everything you lose, the wisdom will find its way out
Every night is lonesome and is longer than before

----To Be Without You, Ryan Adams

November 26, 2017

Cait held onto Grayson tightly. They both needed to get moving. He was headed back to Durham for a very short time and she needed to get to Lake Louise. But it was never easy to say goodbye.

They'd won the PK80, beating Florida.  Grayson was convinced that these kids were going to give him a heart attack before the season was over.  They'd trailed almost the entire game, frequently by double digits.  But Marvin had been spectacular, Gary hit some big shots and Grayson contributed 14.  His shot was starting to return, his wrist feeling a bit better, and he'd hit a big three with three minutes remaining.

So they'd snagged the trophy and celebrated on the court and in the locker room. And now they were headed to the airport for a red eye back to Durham.

Grayson had another big game coming up in Indiana and Cait was finally going to ski competitively. She had three days of training, then her first downhill race of the season, followed by Super G. Then she would be off to Switzerland for Super G, followed by Downhill and Super G in France.

They needed to let go of each other, to go their separate ways yet again. But it seemed to get harder every time. 

"Gotta go, Kitten," Grayson's voice was thick.  "I'll see you in a few weeks.  But Coach is gonna be on my ass if they have to wait for me."

"I know," she managed.  "I love you.  I can't wait to get to Durham."

"Love you, too."  He bit his lip, tried for some composure.  "Text me when you land, okay?"

She nodded and he kissed her.  As much as he wanted it to be sweet, the kiss was hot.  Needy.  And left both of them wanting more.

"Shit," Grayson muttered.  "You can't do this to me before I have to go deal with the boys."

Cait smiled up at him now.  "Okay, Daddy," she whispered in his ear, her hot breath making him squirm. 

"Jesus Christ," Grayson breathed.  "Just hold that thought for a few weeks, huh?"

"Will do." She hugged him hard one last time and then pulled away.  "Go, take care of your boys.  I'll talk to you soon."
*****
Cait settled into the car with a sigh, fingers absently playing with the delicate necklace she was wearing.  Jack had noticed that she seemed attached to that particular piece of jewelry, although he didn't remember buying it for her.  In fairness though, Cait had more than enough jewelry to give Tiffany a run for its money. 

"That's pretty," he noted, hoping to take her mind off Grayson.  "Forgive me for asking, but did I buy that for you?"

"No," she whispered.  "Gray bought it for me.  After the first interview."

Jack reached over and took it from her fingers.  An infinity symbol.  "Why that?" he asked.

"He wanted something to show how much he loves me." Her voice was shaky.  "And he said that was it.  Infinitely."  A tear spilled over now.  "Why am I leaving him again?" Her voice was choked.