I'll Find You

When I'm Gone

You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone
----When I'm Gone, 3 Doors Down

January 5, 2018

As much as Grayson was ready to get back to playing on a regular basis, he still wasn't in a great mood. The odd way that Cait had left was bugging him.  The dichotomy between what they had shared that morning and then the almost cold way she'd said goodbye and boarded the jet was eating at him. And he was feeling the pressure of the season. It was easy when they were winning every game. Easy to lead, easy to be positive. After BC, he'd had to make a more concerted effort.

After practice, he and Justin decided on video games, pizza and nothing else. Grayson was looking forward to just chilling for a little while. He'd spent a lot of his free time the last week with Cait and he wanted to just hang out with his friends and be a college kid for a night.

Unfortunately, his roommate was apparently in the mood for conversation while they were relaxing. Justin was questioning him about Cait's schedule. Grayson rolled his eyes at him and told him that she'd be skiing and it really didn't matter where.

"G, what's your damage?" Justin finally snapped at his roommate. "Everything okay with you two?"

"It's fine," Grayson sighed out. "But right now, she has to concentrate on skiing and I have to concentrate on basketball. So, I'd like to have one evening where I'm not reminded how much it sucks that she's not here. And that she's not gonna be here until the end of the season.  I don't wanna talk about her."

Justin looked over at him. "Fair enough. But you love her, G. And she loves you. I've known you for awhile now. I know I'm not Luke, but I still know you pretty well. Don't bottle it up. Talk to her or talk to me or Coach or whoever. But don't ignore whatever you're struggling with."

"I'm not struggling," Grayson snapped. "My ass is just officially worn out with her being here and then gone. Just when I think I'll be okay with it, she's gone and it sucks all over again. I just want to put it all aside for a little while." He tossed Justin the controller. "Shut the fuck up and let's play."

"Okay, okay," Justin huffed. "But I'm gonna be a pain in your ass tomorrow and every day after that. I'm not gonna let you get yourself all weirded out. If you do, I'll have to call Cait and admit that I couldn't handle it and that she's the only one that can deal with you." He shot his roommate a glare.

Eventually, Javin, Jack and Ques showed up and more pizza and video games ensued. They spent the evening just unwinding. Grayson tried to just have fun with his friends, to pretend it was like before he ever met Cait, before she occupied so much space in his head.

January 6, 2018

Grayson was looking forward to getting back on the court, to trying to clear his head and focus the on the game. Since they weren't playing until 8:00 p.m., and the trip was short, he talked to Cait in the morning, but the conversation was brief, as he told her to rest and sleep off her jet lag. And he went back to just hanging with the boys until it was time to get on the road.

Unfortunately, they were awful.  He was awful.  The game just got away from them halfway through the first half and they couldn't seem to get a handle on it.  After scoring 22 against FSU, he only managed eight against NC State, not even making a three until the last minute.