I Deserve It ( Vic Fuentes )

Panic

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. I am fucked. I was looking up into the deep brown eyes filled with concern.

"Ummm. Because I can" I speak up while he stays silent.

"If I tell you what's bothering me can you drop this and just trust me when I say I can't tell you?" I offer

I saw him debating what I said in his eyes. he sat down and pulled me onto his lap. I freaked out and ended up looping my arms around his neck while I almost lost my balance. This isn't good.

"Fine." He grumbled against my arm as he rested his head there.

"I don't think I can sit like this and tell you."

"No. You aren't moving. Now speak"

Well I kinda am sick of this feeling of liking you. Like wanting to constantly hug you. And stuff.

I don't need to like you.

I don't want to hurt you.

I don't need to be responsible for another life fucked up. So when I'm around you I am constantly doing things I don't do. I actually hug you an I fucking kissed you. You know I cut. You just. You already know more about me than a lot of people and it bugs me. Only one person knows something's about me and they aren't here. They are back at my old house. I can't risk anything Vic. I know I'm not good enough for you.

There are plenty of girls out there for you to like.

Plenty of them to kiss and walk home. Or drive home....

    That's what I wanted to say. But I couldn't. I can't tell him those feelings only for him to think I'm some stupid girl. I wish I could have said.

"Speak up Victoria" he said against my arm.

"I'm just pissed the coach heard me speak." I say. Avoiding him knowing my real problem.

"Yeah I know that. What's the rest?"

"That's it. I've done so well with no one knowing I speak only to have yet another person hear me speak"

"Why does it matter that people know you have a voice?"

"They just can't Vic. Speaking isn't safe"

"Why?"

As I was going to respond I heard a knock on the door.

"Victoria. Hurry up only 2 more minutes" coach was shouting. I knocked on the door twice to let her know I heard. Then I heard the patter of feet leaving knowing she left.

I grabbed my shorts. He knew I cut so what's the deal right?

"Hell no. We aren't done here." he said as I gathered all my clothes.

"Why vic? what the hells so special about me that you have to know everything.?"

"I'll explain when you do" he crossed his arms.

"Fine. Here's my number I'll text you when you can come over. I'll explain it then." I then wrote my number down on his notebook.

"Don't go giving it out" I warned. Then I headed to the bathrooms to change and head to class.

Half way through AP CALC I got a text from Eric. The locker boy.

*sos in locker yet again*

I walked out placing a note on my teachers desk saying restroom. Then headed to the locker. I felt bad. He didn't deserve to be placed in the locker.

I walked over to where the locker was to see jamie? wtf.

"Please let me out!" I could hear the plea of Eric from the locker.

"Not until the text you sent worked."

"I don't have her number. She doesn't speak how was I to get it??" Eric's voice echoed from inside the locker.

"Bullshit. I know you have it and so do you. You told your little friend about it. He reported to me like he was supposed to. Now text the mute bitch"

What the fuck. Why would they need me to show up. My phone vibrated again.

*ps. Jamie is here looking for you. Be ready. Bring a shiv or whatever you have to protect yourself xoxo*

wtf is xoxo. We aren't no thing. Bloody hell here I go.

I took a breath and walked up to Jamie and the locker.

I know I will have to talk to him. I will be the mute no more. Maybe I can get around speaking all together. Maybe I can just not speak. Hope to the fucking clouds I can.

"Hey mute. So you here to rescue your little friend?" I just shook my head. No he wasn't my friend and I wasn't going to "rescue" him. I'm just being a person with feelings.

"Bullshit" he said. I heard a whine come from the locker. I sighed and went towards it. Jamie stuck his arm out to lean on the locker.

"Sorry mute.someone has to be in here. Will you take his place?" I know I had to. I deserved it. I got myself here. I nod and prepare for what's ahead.

"Maybe next time you won't fuck with Vic. He was all over my sister until you showed up. Now he doesn't even glance her way. Think it over "

It was dark cramped I was having a panic attack. My palms were sweaty my chest was heaving yet I couldn't pull in enough oxygen. My already darkened vision soon had black creeping into it. I rock back and forth with tears running down my face. As the bell rings above I loose my consciousness.