The Face Of The Enemy

Chapter 11

"What do you mean?" Camilla furrowed her eyebrows.

"I mean that she saved my life. After Isaac died, I fell in depression. I couldn't eat, sleep or do anything else. My whole world shattered, I didn't have anything or anyone to live for. One day, I decided to end my life. It was the proper thing to do because I couldn't endure anymore pain. And I thought if I died, I would join Isaac in heaven or hell, wherever he was. I wanted to jump off of a bridge. I was just seconds away from doing it but Annie stopped me. She told me no asshole was good enough to make me end my life. She pulled me off the bridge and punched me, then she dragged me to her car and sent me to a rehabilitation centre. Her last words were: 'You better get your shit together or I will throw you myself off that bridge.' " Lucas felt a relief  never thought he would feel when he said all that to Camilla.

"Oh my God!" the girl was speechless. That Isaac guy must have been important to him if he wanted to end his life. But she couldn't understand one thing. If he felt so alone and helpless, why didn't he come to her and her mother?

"Crazy, right?" Lucas smiled. He couldn't explain explain the relief. He felt like a whole weight was taken off of his shoulders.

"That's freaking insane." Camilla exclaimed. "Were you out of your fucking mind? How can you think of committing suicide? Huh?" she practically yelled. She couldn't believe it. She understood why he felt lonely and all, but he wasn't all alone in this world. He had her, her mother and hell, even their neighbors loved him.

"He what?" Victoria asked shocked. She was coming to Camilla's room to call them for lunch when she heard her daughter yell at Lucas.

"I... I'm sorry." Lucas wished he never told Camilla. Victoria was quite the overreacting woman. He loved her, but sometimes she became very overprotective. He blamed the Latino blood that ran in her veins.

"You're going to live here in this house." By the tone on her voice, it wasn't a suggestion, but an order.

"No, I have my own apartment." Lucas denied immediately. "I'm fine." He continued.

Victoria threw him a cold glare. "Why don't I believe you then?" she raised an eyebrow. "I know you more than you think, Lucas, so do not bull me with your lies."

"Yeah, Luke. Why don't you come live with us?" Camilla spoke. "Ronald will stay here too, right?" she turned to her mother, who nodded her head.

"Si. I spoke to him and he agreed. He is hoping that if he stayed with his family, he could remember something."

"That's awesome." the girl chirped. "We'll be just like all times, all four of us."

Lucas took a deep breath. The last thing he wanted was for his life to be like the old times. He had already started over and he was kind of happy with it, but this was his family. They took him in when his biological one threw him in the streets. Camilla looked excited and Victoria had a hopeful look in her eyes. He wanted to be on his own, yet he missed them. "Can you let me some time to think?"

"Yeah, yeah." The Hispanic woman dismissed him. "Now come with me, dinner' s ready." She said. Camilla and Lucas followed her quietly.

Ronald was where he had left him, sat at the couch and looking around. He had a furrow on his eyebrows and Lucas could tell he hadn't remembered a single thing about himself. Deep down, Lucas didn't want him to remember. Maybe he was selfish to want that, but it was for the best. He didn't want to experience all the trauma all over again.

The older man smiled at Lucas. "You never told me how they knew you." he stated.

"They're my foster family." It wasn't a secret. Lucas wanted to tell him everything. "When I was fourteen, my biological parents kicked me out of the house and since I was underage, I was thrown into the foster system. Victoria was the one who take care of me."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Ronald frowned. "If you don't mind, can I you tell me why did your parents abandoned you?"

"Because they were a bunch of assholes." this time it was Camilla who answered as she plopped down on the chair beside Ronald.

Lucas glared at Camilla. "No cursing or my answer is no." Lucas rarely cursed himself and he had Annie curse like a sailor, he didn't want Camilla too.

"I shut up." Camilla made a sign to zip her lips.

"I'm waiting for an answer here." Ronald said.

"Because I was, I mean I'm gay." Lucas answered not regretting it. He didn't want to pretend he was someone he wasn't.

"That's not a reason to abandon your own child." Ronald protested.

That's not what you said when you first found out. Lucas wanted to yell but he kept it to himself.

"Parents should love their children unconditionally." continued Ronald. He couldn't believe that Lucas was disowned by his parents just because he was homosexual. That was so cruel.

"Es verdad." Victoria intervened. "Lukey was such a sweet boy." A blush formed on Lucas' cheeks. He was going to regret if he accepted to live on this house again. His foster mother had the tendency to make him blush.

The family ate the food on silence after that discussion. As Lucas watched the happy expressions on his mother's and sister's faces, he made a decision. As much as his past might haunt him, he couldn't leave them. He had made that mistake once, he was not going to do it again. He was going to accept Victoria's invitation. He was going to live with Ronald again.

The only thing he wanted was for it to be different from his first experience.

***

"What the hell are you talking about?" Lucas hadn't expected this reaction from his manager.

"Annie-" he tried to explain but she wouldn't let him.

"Don't Annie me! I'm Ms. Grayson to you." she was pissed, that he could tell. "You can't take those decisions without fucking consulting with me first. Or did you forget that I am your manager? I decide where you are going to live, with who and other shit like that."

The reason Annie didn't agree with the new decision of Lucas was because she didn't want to have him out of her reach. She was scared that Lucas would try something stupid again and that this time she wouldn't be there to save him.

"You're overreacting!" Lucas couldn't understand why Annie was against his decision. She had never acted like that before. What made her do it then?

Annie ran her hands through her hair. "Fine then, do what the fuck you want! I quit!"

"Annie, do you hear yourself?" Lucas sat on his couch defeated. "They are my family, I left them once. I can't do that to them again. If you don't like it, I can't force you."

"Why hadn't you told me about them before? Why didn't I know of their existence?" she asked. She also sat next to him, tired. Her nerves were all over the place and she took deep breaths, trying to calm herself down.

"Because I was trying to forget them. They were my heaven and hell on the same time." Lucas wanted to tell her the truth about his life but he was afraid of her reaction. He knew his manager very well and what she was capable of.

"Tell me why, Lucas." Annie insisted. "I want so much to accept your decision, but I need to know the reason. You have to see on my point of view. I saved you from taking your own life, I can't trust you enough to not try it again. And now you're telling me you were living in hell with them. Tell me, how can I be assured that you'll be safe?"

Lucas closed his eyes. His mind was on a whirlwind in that moment. Memories passed through his eyes like a movie which he didn't want to see. Memories that haunted him. Words that made him feel unwanted, unworthy, a coward. Actions that hurt him. Nightmares that didn't let him sleep at  night. He didn't want to relive them.

What do I do? He asked himself.

The answer was clear on his head, he just didn't want to hear it. Maybe his memories, the words said the truth. Maybe he really was a coward.

I don't want to be a coward.