Secret Letters to B

Letter #3

Oppa,

You know, at the last letter I sent an idea came to me. After that I knew what I would say in the next letter.

To tell you the truth, I'm getting intimidated by you, oppa. I feel challenged when people talk about you. You are known in our school for being a Math genius, you get great awards, and you're a valedictorian. While... I'm just a normal student. I do get awards and honors, oppa, but I couldn't reach the first honor. I knew in my elementary years I get straight first honors, but I don't get what happened this high school, I guess my classmate was just so smart. But going back to you, I feel you are a genius, oppa. You don't study, but you still get the highest rank even though your classmates try hard. You are good in everything (except probably, English...? Hehehe ^^V).

You excel in academics, sports, and almost everything. Oppa, it seems like the heavens are in your favor, no matter how bad traits you have. I wonder why you keep doing bad things to me, but it seems like the heavens don't punish you for that. I wonder why. Everytime I do bad things, a consequence follows. But you? It seems that you can do anything bad in the world, but in the end you get famous. I seriously don't know how that happens.

This summer, I kept myself busy while you were gone. I did self-improvement. I learned how to cook, I read good books this summer, and I self- studied psychology. I also swore to myself that I'd be studying in the best school there is in the Philippines. I'm getting better, oppa. I'm improving myself. And it's all because I'm intimidated by you. Actually oppa, it's revenge, but it ended like some sort of inspiration. It's a good thing, because it made me a better person.

Why revenge, you ask? Well... did you know that you stole some of my firsts? You stole my first kiss, first hug, first date, first boyfriend, and other firsts, but it seems like you just don't care. I feel that you really don't care about me, and that you were just playing with me. So I improved myself for the better. They said it's the sweetest revenge, oppa, that situation where you found out that you broke my heart and left me, but then you found out that I became a better person when you were gone. It worked out oppa, it paid off. I laughed at the thought that on our chat last week, you were surprised that I am happy. Actually I wasn't, but I still laughed at the thought that you looked like a fool.

I know it's bad, but I don't know what to do already. I don't know if I should still love you, take revenge on you, or just leave you. I don't know. But the only thing is, you are my oppa, and that's all that matters. No matter how bad I am, or how bad you were to me, we understand each other. I just hope you will, I hope you will understand me until such time when I can walk on my feet and I can live my life without thinking of you every single day.

Now, I saw your name on our chatbox again, and you are the only friend of mine that's online. I wish you would talk to me already, oppa. Even in the middle of the night, I hope my chatbox will pop out, then I would see your name with your 'hi' on it. I hope you would talk to me, talk to me about that academy your father enrolled you in this summer, or the places you went to. Just, the mere thought makes me smile.

I will be better, oppa. I will. You'll see. I know you didn't get to the most famous school here, but I will. I'll study there, oppa. No one in our school ever made to that university. But, I will oppa. When there's a will, there's a way, and you'll be surprised how I made it to the top without you.

Saying all these thoughts, oppa, I still love you. No matter what.

Love,

ㄹ.