Secret Letters to B

Letter #2

Oppa,

Will you leave me? All of them already left me, oppa. Aside from my family, you're the only man who's with me. Are you leaving me too?

Oppa, did I do something wrong? Wasn't I a good girlfriend or sister to you? Did I give you a lot of gifts? Was it wrong to give it in front of your father? Was I too cold? I'm sorry oppa. I'm getting self- centered because of you. I just don't want to lose you. I know that they say if you love someone, set him free. Does this mean I don't love you? Actually, I'm willing to let you go, but I'm afraid the next girls would hurt you again. I don't want to see that, oppa. I know your first girlfriend didn't love you, and I saw how hurt you were that time. That's why I agreed to be your 2nd girlfriend. I wanted to heal your wounds, oppa. Nothing more, nothing less. But that was before. In the end, I couldn't let you go anymore.

Now I passed the end, and it's a new beginning for us. You're going into some famous university here in the Philippines, and I'm still staying at the school where we met. You'll be going back this Saturday here, but I don't know what will happen already. I won't be seeing you already like before. I won't be seeing you during weekdays, which hurts me a lot. We might text or call, but the fact that we won't be seeing each other everyday chills me to the bone. Our school reminds me of you a lot, I just wish I could just transfer to another school. The 'kubo' where we waited for the rain to stop, the stairs where we keep meeting at night, your desk where I sat on it for a week when you were gone, the study room where we taught each other in Math and English, my old room in the dorm where we talked in for the whole last week of school, and a lot of the memories we had there. I'll be going back there in June, and I know I'll just remember you everywhere I go in that place. I wish that place would change, oppa. And this coming June there'll be a lot more of kids, which will really remind me of you. I know how much you love kids, it makes me happy every time I see you with them. But now you're gone, I knew I won't be seeing that for a long time.

Oppa, I miss you. If you only knew, I cry myself to sleep this past month because no matter how hard I've tried, I just couldn't move on from you. There was a time I almost forgot you, but those were the times you keep chatting with me. And now that I keep thinking of you, is the time you disappear. I see your name in the chatbox, but you don't talk to me. It hurts, oppa. It does. It seems like you're already creating a new world, and I don't belong there. Since yesterday when you told me you were busy, I just decided not to talk to you. I know I keep bothering you, I'm sorry.

You told me not to leave you, but, I'm already tired, oppa. I keep hoping, I keep hoping that maybe you would still love me not as sister, but we're not going anywhere already. I'm tired. I'm tired catching up with you, and you just ignore me already. Especially now, becasue you're already a freshman and college is a busy one, my mom said. I'm tired oppa, so probably I won't bother you already like before. But I'm still holding on, oppa. I promised you that I won't leave you. Though I'm at the point of giving up, I just remind myself of the promise we made, and in a tick of a clock I tighten my grip of not leaving you.

Oppa, I love you. Take care. Don't stress yourself out, okay?

Love,

ㄹ.