When it Rains and Rains

Chapter 1- We are Young

CHAPTER 1: Fun – We Are Young

How do you go on, when everything you live for in life is gone? How can anything in life make you as happy as that one person made you? Is it even possible to find one tenth of that happiness they gave you once they have left this land? My answer to these questions is you can’t, from my experience I have found that it is just not possible.

So why is it that everyone is still trying to tell me that everything will get better, that life will go on and my heart will heal? Do they even know how much everything hurts? Every time I look at something that reminds me of him, I am reminded of how much I loved him, how much my life has changed since he left it and how I will never get to see that face of his light up the room.

No one knows how it feels. They’ll never understand why I feel the way I feel and why I use pain and pleasure to escape my unwanted pain. They’ll never understand why I tried to leave this world on that day and many other days after that.

Five years ago

I reached over and grabbed my little black clutch. I opened it up and grabbed the only thing it held. I placed my fingers around its cold black steel as I raised it up towards my head. I felt my hand begin to shake and my tears begin to slide down my face more easily. I pushed the end of the gun against my temple and said my last few words.

“Jai I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you how I felt all those years ago. Maybe if I did things would have been different, maybe you would still be here.” I took a deep breathe.

“Jai I’m coming baby, just hold on.”

I squeezed down on the trigger and soon felt a large blow to the back of my body.

“SCAR NO!”

The gun flew out of my hand and a shot flew off. I screamed and covered my head as the noise echoed around me.

“Scar, Scar, talk to me, it’s ok, you’re ok” I felt someone’s arms around me as they rocked me back and forth.

I forced myself back and looked up at Jack who looked down at me with worry.

“Jack?”

“Shh Scarlett, it’s ok now. I’ve got you.”

“Why? Why did you do that?” I asked him.

“Scar, it’s not your time, Jai wouldn’t have wanted you to do this. The pain will heal I know it will. You just have to be strong, ok?”

You’d think that five years after his death I would be over it and had moved on, living my life how I had planned. But then again life never happens how you plan it, does it?

“Hey Scar you want to go to the movies with Harvey, Claire and I?” Jack asked me as he walked into our small living room of our tiny one bedroom apartment.

I looked up at him from the guitar that I was playing in my lap. He was standing there in just a towel wrapped around his waist. Water still dripped down his toned torso and he was trying to dry the rest of his hair with a small towel as he looked at me, waiting for my answer.

“That depends, what are we going to see?”

“Umm I think its called 21 Jump Street, it’s got that guy in it that you like. You know the one from that soccer movie you always make me watch.”

“Channing Tatum?”

“Yeah that’s the one.”

“Well then I’m definitely coming.” I giggled.