The Ideal NRI Couple mistake

12. Ishani

As we sat in the sticky night staring at the stars above I took out my cigarettes and I could see Neil and his expressions. I knew the talk was coming again. And I remained silent and puffed my cigarette. I wanted to delay this lecture he gave every time. Why couldn't he accept me flaws and all? It was my choice and not like I had not tried to quit. I tried but the boredom of life sucked me right back to these monsters. And I was not going to listen to it again I knew I had to leave them but it would take some time.

"Ishani we are trying for a kid, and you are always puffing these away aren't you scared? You promised me eons ago that you will stop. Why didn't you?" He sounded bitter but surely he can't presume I wanted children just because we married, should I tell him about the birth control pills? I gulped, his expressions were unreadable and knowing Neil he would throw a fit. I did not want my mom to watch our big fight.

"Neil kids will happen when we want them surely." I puffed the smoke stalling for time.

And then he said the words which scared me, "I want them soon. Don't you?" I felt scared to answer his question. No I did not. Not now and hopefully not for another decade. I knew Neil knew my answer. My silece was answer in it's own way. "I see," he said quietly and got up along with drowned the entire bottle of wine. I could see his heart breaking but I couldn't get the truth out. Maybe we could talk another day when Neil was in the mood to listen. "Good night Neil." I walked back to the room and was talking out a modest nightsuit when he held my hand tight, turning me to face him. "Not so quickly Mrs Singh. I want answers, you surely don't think your silence is going to answer me?" His tone was murderous and slow. I winced, his grip was making my wrist pain and what was this temper all about?
"Neil your hand is hurting me." I muttered as tears sprang in my eyes. I did not want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I cried. "Leave me," I said slowly and as his loosened I pushed him with all force. I was shocked when Neil almost landed on the bed. His looked shocked and broken too. "Ish I'm sorry but I want a reason. Do you think I'm not worth it? Don't you believe our marriage?" He said softly. I cried, how could tonight be so bad after the glorious night yesterday. "Neil we married because we loved each other having a child to prove it to you is a foolish idea. And if this is how you behave when you loose your temper I would rather not think about children right now," tears were streaming down my face and I ran to the washroom and locked up. I cried for a long time before calling Andy. I did not have a single friend to confide in here. And there was a chance he was with Rianna who would mention it to Neil. I disconnected the call and hopped into the shower instead. I cried and showered for a long time to clear my mind, when my mind felt as exhausted as my shriveled up body, I reached for the gown. The bathroom door was pounding. "Ishani, Ish, ishhhhh answer me or I'm calling maintenance to break the door." "What's it Neil? I'm showering. Go away." I yelled back not caring if my mother or the whole world heard me right now. After blow-drying my hair, moisturizing my body with a beautiful blubbery mousse concoction and applying my new snail night cream I went back to the room.
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I went in to the room to see a resigned Neil sitting on the bed. I switched off the light and feigned sleep. And when I heard Neil snore lightly I turned to face him. I was crying silently, sobs shook me, I knew my face would puff up tomorrow morning but I couldn't mask this sadness I felt.