Only He knows

Hard Decisions-1 Month Later

Dakota POV

These last few weeks could be a swirling mess of emotions. I have been the happiest and saddest person alive. I love being with Jamie, love his touch, his love. When I think of all the things I should be doing with my life, Jamie keeps popping back into my head. I need to let him go. To save my heart more pain. I know it is coming to a close. The movie will wrap soon, and I feel like today is the day to cut the chains my Christian Grey has over me. today I am set free.

I sit up from our hug placing my hands by my sides. I have been reflecting on who I am and what I stand for and I feel like somewhere along the line I lost myself in this affair. Yes, that is what this is, an affair. I am not his girlfriend or his wife, I am his lover. We are not really together. We are friends with benefits. I love him though like really love him. Like I would give up my happiness for him..that kind of love. The kind you see in those fairy tales. But I know that this will not end the way they all do. This is one of those sad drama type stories where everyone gets hurt. When I figure I finally have enough guts and have thought out every possible way the conversation could go, I decide to tell him its over.

Jamie, we have to talk about something. Well, I have something to say more so. He sits down again at the bed, he had walked towards the window when I stood up. I think we should end this I mean the sexual relationship. Maybe in time we can be friends. I end my sentence abruptly afraid of what he was going to say..

Jamie gets up off the bed and looks flustered, he swipes through his hair desperately trying to calm himself down. He walks around a while stone cold not even glancing my way. It felt like hours before he spoke in a soft almost inaudible tone, why?... do you hate me? I mean, what is happening right now? Oh, I knew this would go to shit?. I looked up at his face unable to speak, the feelings caught in my throat like a boulder is sitting in there.

Its over, isnt it?, I nod in response to afraid that my voice will betray me and too afraid that I will change my mind. If I ever needed strength it would be at this very moment. He picks up his bag and goes to the bathroom. I hear him packing his items up and then he proceeds to come back into my bedroom, pulling his things out of the drawer he uses when here. He stuffs it all in his duffel and looks at me one more time before saying, I will never get over you. I will never stop loving you. I will only think of what we could have been. I know this wasnt ideal, but it was ours. The little bubble I lived in I didnt want with anyone else. I hope one day that we can find it again. I dont want pity or for you to change your mind, but I do want to earn the right to fight for you. Whatever it takes. I dont care, he turns his back to me and quickly leaves the room and I hear him putting on his shoes and the front door close.

I sit back on my bed completely heart broken. Wondering what just happened. Realizing I had talked myself into being the better person. Trying to find it in myself to forgive my brain for thinking it was a promising idea. Wondering why I decided breaking both our hearts was ideal. I realize the tears are falling like Niagara Falls. I dont try and stop it I just let them flow. He will move on with HIS wife and his family.

Thank God that filming ends soon!

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The final scene was filmed today, and I am almost relieved I did not see Jamie today. I asked Sam about Jamie and she told me he already finished any small filming yesterday. He had practically avoided me the entire week and I was both glad and heartbroken. I never realized how lonely it was to film without him. I guess I should get used to it.

Time to move on to my next projects, How to be Single will start rehearsal and filming soon. I will have to cut my hair for the role and I am excited to change my appearance to reflect the cuts I recently made to my life. A breath of fresh air. A fresh start.

Then why do I feel like my life is over?

Jamie POV

I am broken. I go back to filming the next day and Sam can tell I am. Jamie, you can tell me anything you know. I am a sealed vault with personal information. I hope you consider me a friend through all of this.

Sam, I am a broken man right now. I have not been completely truthful with you. I have been unfaithful. I have been having an affair of sorts. You might very well know who I speak of. The light of my eyes. I never thought it would work but I never wanted it to stop. I would have kept her mine for all eternity even with Amelia as my wife if thats what it took.. but she called it off a few days ago. Now with all the talk about another two movies. I dont know if I can sign up for more torture. Every time I see her it hurts so deeply. I cannot do this again. I will do what she asked and make my marriage work for Dulcies sake. She deserves for me to respect her wishes, right?. Jamie, I cannot tell you the right answer to that. You both will have to decide that on your own. Only I can say that the chemistry I saw that first day made me feel alive. I could tell it was instant love.. to bad it was horrible timing. All the great poets find themselves writing about love lost and horrible timing. It is a tragedy to see two soulmates from another life struggle in this one. I can tell you both were destined to be together. But maybe not in this life Jamie, maybe not in this life. She pats my back and walks away. I get to my trailer and start packing my things. I had already moved plenty of stuff out and I was just packing my last bit of essentials. I laid on the couch and played on my phone. A text came through from Amelia. Doll, what time do you arrive? I have plans to woo you when you arrive. It has been forever. I arrive tonight 9pm London time. I look forward to seeing you love. I type away half-heartedly, too stubborn for my own good. I would try and make it work with the second-best choice. The mother of my child. The woman I married. The thought depresses me more and more. I stand and look around once more as if to close a chapter on Fifty Shades and the fairytale I once lived with Dakota. Hopefully there will be no more Fifty, no more Christian Grey and no more Anastasia Steele. Is it sad to say I hope it bombs? I cannot seem to get passed the fact that I will have to see her again eventually at the premieres and interviews. The big epic premiere of the fans beloved movie. Uggh! I shout leaving the trailer I have called home for the last few months. Leaving my Anastasias memories there to die.