Hate That I Love You

12. Zayn - Baby, Don't Save Me

I can tell that she fell asleep on my back because I can hear her slow, calm, even breaths just near my ear and she’s resting her cheek on my shoulder. Plus, the laughter died down. My back was starting to ache because even though she doesn’t look like she weighted a lot—it felt like it. Nonetheless I still walked the streets of Paris and carried her because I know that she’s tired and I couldn’t just wake her up and drop her to the ground.

I try to convince myself that I’m doing this because she’s accident prone and I’m doing myself good by lessening the chances of her dying on my watch by carrying her on my back even though I felt tired and sleepy as well. It’s not that I worried or even cared about her, it’s just because I wouldn’t want her death in my hands. That’s it.

We finally reached the hotel and I sighed in relief when I saw the building right before me, but groaned once the crowd in front of it spotted us and the screams were ear-piercing. I could hear some of them asking if Perrie and I are together but I just look down because that’s ludicrous. I’m sure that if Simon is watching his TV at this moment or if he read the articles that surely have surfaced on the internet because of what happened last night and now, he’d think it’s great and I wanted to run away from the idea of him delighted that Perrie and I might have feelings for each other because that is certainly not the case.

I was thankful for the hotel staff that led us to safety, I’m surprised that Perrie still hasn’t woken up from the noise outside and is still sleeping soundly. The lift was empty and I can feel that any moment now my back is going to give out and Perrie’s going to fall off so I quickened my pace once I got to Perrie and Jade’s door, hoping that I can rouse Perrie from sleep and ask for her key so she wouldn’t have to stay the night in my hotel room again if she doesn’t have it.

Luckily, when I turn the doorknob, the door swings open. I don’t know why, maybe Jade has been here before us but I stepped inside to find the room empty so maybe Perrie just left it open before we left, what an idiot.

I tried to maneuver my way to Perrie’s bed without tripping, I did it successfully, but just when I thought I can drop her off and leave, I found it difficult to get her off my back gently.

I did attempt to do so anyway, but the next thing I know I lose my balance in the process and I fall on the bed with her.

Fuck, this is not good.

I’m just thankful that I somehow managed to lift myself up with my arms but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m literally lying on top of her body and my lips were dangerously close to hers. I can’t believe that after all that happened, her eyes are still closed. She must be exhausted.

Why I didn’t just pull away quickly like I should’ve, I can’t say. Maybe because I was too distracted by how peaceful she looked when sleeping and goddamn it her lips still looked soft—I reckon it feels that way too, after all, I should know. I was finding the strength to snap out of it and to just pull away before anything else happens but instead, I found myself wanting to kiss her all over again, even if it’s just a peck and she’ll never know because I don’t want her to.

I don’t want her to know anything if it involved my feelings.

I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I try to repeat it in my head but I doubt if I mean it.

Can she just wake up so I can stop with these thoughts? Fuck.

I guess I spoke too soon because the moment I thought of that, her eyes slowly started to open and the blueness in them startled me but I couldn’t turn away because damn, it’s so vivid it’s distracting. We were staring at each other eye to eye, I’m quite sure that the air in my lungs were sucked out because I can’t find it in myself to speak and I can tell she’s shocked too.