Hate That I Love You

25. Perrie - You're The One

“I don’t want to be here in London.” I say grumpily, frowning as Jade fixed up my hair for the shopping trip she planned out for the four of us. I don’t even get why I have to wear this white dress if we’re just going to walk around all day, but then again I’m just glad that they let me wear comfortable sandals instead of high heels.

“You’ve been saying that since we got on the plane.” Jade replies teasingly.

“Out of all places, why did you choose London?” I can’t help but groan out loud.

“Pez, we went back to South Shields for 3 days and your mum suggested we go someplace else to spend our tour break because all we’ve been doing there is eating and watching the telly. So, I think a shopping trip in SoHo is in order.” Jade says, grabbing her purse.

“I just don’t want to accidentally bump in to Zayn and Anna or something.” I mumble almost inaudibly and sigh as I slumped back into the hotel bed.

Instead of giving me a sympathetic look, Jade smirks, “Who says they’re still together?”

Her confidence takes me aback that I immediately sit up and ask, “What did you say?”

“Nothing,” she laughs breezily, “come on, Leigh and Jesy are waiting for us in an ice cream parlor in near the mall. Stop whining around, Pez. Didn’t I tell you to look at things in a bright light? Zayn never told you that he’s not in love with you anymore on your last encounter, have some faith on the poor lad!”

“He also hasn’t called or texted me for about a week.” I replied drily.

“For all you know, he might be the one waiting for your call.” Jade winks; I stand up from my seat and followed her out of the room and eventually into the car.

Driving by the area, I think back to the moment that I went for Zayn. I had felt this insane courage, embarrassing bravery if you will, and just went after him and told him how I really feel. He didn’t reject me, nor did he imply that he’s never coming back for me, but now that I think about it I feel so humiliated. He didn’t exactly tell me he loved me back either, so I wasn’t in the mood to rejoice just yet when I’m not so assured of where the future will take us.

He kissed me on the forehead before he turned around to leave. I stood there, watching him walk away, and even though my heart is telling me to run after him, my body refuses to comply. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I haven’t slept that night, being afraid of oversleeping and missing my chance to talk some sense into him, and all I wanted to do was to fall straight into bed and sleep all my troubles away.

Even so, I waited for him to turn around and face me the last time. I counted every step he made, telling myself that if he turns around, I’m not giving up and I will book the nearest flight possible and follow him wherever he goes. I desperately clung on to the deal I had made up myself, and when he turned around the corner and was gone for good without so much as a glance at my direction or a kiss in the air, all my hopes vanished.

I kept telling myself to stop crying as I walked back to the exit, the guard I had begged on so much when I came to let me in, gave me a sympathetic look and I merely shrugged and mouthed my thanks at him before he too, turns away to inspect the lady’s bag just in front of him.

I gripped my cardigan tighter to my body, hugging myself in the process as I walked back to the black car where Niall was waiting. He generously offered to stay up with me, keep my frazzled nerves at bay with numerous cups of tea and cream puffs, and then drive like a madman to the airport when the clock struck 1:30 am. I can safely say that he’s the best friend I’ve ever had.

I knocked on the window of the car, looking inside using both hands to see that Niall’s asleep. I hated to knock harder just to wake him up so rudely but I needed to get inside the car because it was getting cold and the tears were harder to contain. He jolts awake, immediately unlocking the door and I sigh in relief as I got in. Of course, being Niall, he knows that it did not go well judging by the frown etched on my face. The fact that I went back alone was a dead giveaway.