Pass Around (thatsojack fan fiction)

Chapter 15

Day 40: Irritability

"Forty days. It's been forty days," I tell Ricky, shakiness clear in my voice.

"Stop beating yourself up about this, she'll wake up soon. We all have hope, including the doctors," Ricky tries to comfort me but all efforts will fail. Nothing will change what's happening.

"We also had hope she'd wake up less than a day after her surgery. Did that happen?" I snap.

"I know you're hurting, but that's no reason to be nasty to me or the rest of us when we're trying to comfort you. We get it, it's hard to know that you're the reason someone you care about is in a coma but you can't just snap at us at any time and expect us to not get annoyed," Ricky tries to explain, and he's right. I had been snapping at people left and right. Whether it be a rude comment or a disgusted look, I was acting like an ass.

"Actually you don't get it! You've never been in a serious relationship and you've never hurt anybody you cared about physically. So yeah, I'm snapping at people. I'm being a total asshole and you know what? I'm not going to apologize for it!" I scream at him, going against what I had planned on saying. My mind thinks one thing and before I know it I'm opening my mouth and all these things I don't mean are pouring out.

"Screw you Jack," Ricky says and gets up, heading to the door to exit the living room. "And for your information, I have been in a serious relationship."

---

Day 50: Insane Guilt

"Kian?" I say as I knock on Kians bedroom door before entering.

"Yeah," he says and glares up at me? I look at him for permission to come in and he nods his head.

"Do you think about it?" I question him softly.

"About what I- we did?" Kian asks.

"Yeah," I clarify.

"All the time," he gently responds. "Do you?"

"Yes, I can't stop. I put her into a coma and ever since then nothing else has mattered. I haven't made a video in forever, the only time I leave the house is when I visit Kristen, and I barely eat anything. The cops have come so many times to question us, they might as well arrest us already," I sigh and Kian nods.

"I know. Jack we're terrible people. We put an innocent girl into a coma. It's almost been two months and what if she doesn't wake up?" Kian says and I can see the tears forming in his eyes, I can tell I'm about to cry too and that's not something I want to do. Not around people at least, especially Kian. Besides when the police question us together, we don't talk, at all.

"I don't know. I have no idea what I would do. Nothing would be the same again. Not that it's the same right now but if she woke up it could be okay again, everything could be okay again. But Kian, if she doesn't wake up," I trail off and at this point the tears are gliding down my cheeks.

"Can we be okay again? You know, friends?" Kian asks, his eyes full of anticipation.

"Please," I half laugh, half cry.

"Thank god. You have no idea how many times I've wanted to talk to you about this. I never did, obviously, because we weren't on the best terms," Kian says and gives me a half smile.

"Me too, nobody understands. I have no idea how to act around anybody. I feel like I should be punishing myself or something. I can't help but be a total ass to everyone. I don't know what's happening to me," I explain to him. He might be the only other person who understands.

"I get it Jack, I completely get it. Maybe I didn't love her like you did but I did care about her, in a little sister kind of way," he clarifies. "And the only reason I kissed her was to get back at you."

"I know," I admit. I never thought Kian had feelings for Kristen, it was just easier to pretend like he did because I thought his feeling could've justified what he did and made me not feel so angry towards him. I don't know exactly how to explain how I felt but if I could, I'd explain it something like that.

---

Day 60: Denial

"It's been two months," I tell Jc as he enters the kitchen.

"I know," he replies as he heads towards the fridge.

"Do you think she'll wake up soon?" I question Jc.

"Honestly, I think anything can happen. I think the universe will decide whether or not she wakes up," Jc tells me. What the hell has he been smoking?

"Jc, you're talking like you've been living out of a tye-dye school bus for six years. What do you mean the universe will decide? You've always been the one to believe in science and logic and you know reality. Since when have you been into all this spiritual universe stuff?" I ask Jc curiously. He's been talking like this for the past few weeks. I thought he was just acting weird or something but it's been going on for a while.

"Jenn and I are discovering that the world provides us with miracles and that destiny and fate are real and maybe we don't need reality to tell us what's right and wrong," he tries and explain. What?

"Okay...?" I reply and decide to not make him explain himself further.

"Oh and I was thinking about something," I start.

"Yeah?" Jc questions as we takes out a snack size mac n' cheese. 

"Maybe I'm not the reason Kristen is in the coma."

"What?!" Jc practically laughs.

"You know, maybe there was another problem, maybe I should stop blaming myself. She was the one that decided to step in the middle of two grown guys fighting anyway," I shrug as Jc fills the mac n' cheese cup with water from the sink.

"Jack you know who you're talking like?" Jc turns to me and asks, raising one eyebrow.

"Who?" I sarcastically ask.

"A douche bag," Jc smirks.

"Excuse me?" I say.

"You did what you did and it's done. You might want to take it back but you can't. And you know what else you can't do? Pretend like you weren't the biggest factor into Kristen getting hurt. You were the main reason but, you weren't the only reason. So stop talking like a douche bag because frankly, I don't think you're a douchey guy," Jc tells me and takes his mac n' cheese out of the microwave.

When I don't reply and sit there in shock at how Jc spoke to me he simply says, "good talk," and left the room.

(AN// Okay so I hop you liked the chapter. I did it a bit differently this time and for the next chapter I'm either going to continue doing the every ten days thing or I might do something else. Leave what you prefer in the comments and keep reading :))