Knuckles // Tradley AU

8. Talk Shows - Tris

"I just don't feel anything." I admitted to my therapist, James had dragged me to the appointment and I figured there was at least a point in saying it, to at least let someone other than James know I'm royally fucked.  "And I think I confuse it with sadness, when really I'm just empty."

"And this has been since you were how old?" He asked me, looking up and briefly meeting my eyes.

"Seventeen? Eighteen? Ever since my ex broke up with me I guess. They were the one I loved like no one else and it just wasn't mutual. I feel like I failed him. Like I wasn't good enough, and then I came to realise that I'm not good enough for anyone, so now I stay in bed so I don't hurt anyone else." I admitted.

"And this is why you drink and smoke? To try and feel something?" He asked

"...yeah." I sighed, swallowing down the addition of overdosing to get high, that was too personal, leaving out the occasional self harm.

"Have you had a drink today?"

"Several."

"Any reason?"

"Because I'm alive?" I sighed

"Right." He nodded, writing it down "Well Tristan-"

"Tris." I corrected, hating my full name.

"Well Tris, I'm going to refer you to an alcoholism support gr-"

"I'm not an alcoholic." I denied "I'm just lonely."

"But you turn to alcohol to make you feel less alone." He pointed out "Its okay to admit you need help."

"I don't." I decided, standing up, getting frustrated with the condescending nature of the man. I'd heard it all before and I've been through it all before and I knew that nothing would change.

I stormed out the room and was met with James who was waiting outside.

"How'd it go?" James asked me, getting up and following my beeline for the door.

"Drive me home." I shook my head "And lock the door on your way out."

"I don't think Joe would be very happy with me if I did that." James sighed

"Do I look like I give a fuck what my housemate thinks? Really?" I rolled my eyes, pulling on the handle of James' car and getting frustrated when it wasn't unlocked.

"No." My friend shook his head, finally unlocking the car and getting in "I was just saying."

"Whatever." I sighed "Never ever make me go to one of those things again."

"Why? What was so bad?" James asked

"He accused me of being an alcoholic, which I am definitely not." I grumbled "People like him are the reason I drink."

"Tris...You know you have issues surrounding alcohol, maybe he's right."

"Not you too! I don't have a problem! You work out to stay fit, I drink to feel. Same principle." I explained "So you have an addiction to working out?"

"Well yeah, my day isn't the same if I haven't, it feels empty and wrong." James nodded with a shrug "Same way a day without drinking does to you, I guess."

"Whatever." I sighed "Can I have Brad's number?"

"Not after how you spoke to him last week." Janes shook his head "Look if you think he's being hurt, saying it in front of his boyfriend is just a way to make it worse, you need to be subtle."

"Do you think he's being hurt?" I questioned

"...I don't know, Con is convinced he's alright," James started "But he's definitely not as fine as he's saying."

"His boyfriend beats him." I answered simply "It's so obvious, he was wearing so much makeup to hide it."

"I didn't want to say anything." James agreed "But Yeah...I just don't know how to tell Con without upsetting him."

"I don't know." I sighed "But it's such a shame, Brad is so hot."

"Not helping." James sighed as he parked in front of my house "I'll have to talk to Con."

"We've gotta rescue Brad." I decided "Get him out of there before he ends up dead."

"That's a bit extreme." James sighed, unlocking the house door with the key I (stupidly) gave him.

"Yeah, well, this is an extreme circumstance." I commented, falling onto the couch and immediately feeling safer than I did a few minutes ago.

"True." James sighed "This is complicated though, If his boyfriend is abusive, I'm sure he'd have no issue hurting us."

"Hm, true." I agreed "But I don't really care if I get hurt, so you know, win win."

"Yes tris but that's not the point!" James sighed "You might not have much to live for but I do! And you have a future to see into, and all that, This could easily turn nasty."

"And? I'm prepared to do anything to help that boy." I shook my head "James, you know what it was like. I just needed someone to tell me I had somewhere safe, someone to tell me that I didn't have to stay there. No matter how scared I was, I just needed someone to tell me I wasn't alone. And the moment I can make Brad feel less alone is the moment he begins to realise he doesn't have the suffer anymore."

"I've never seen you so motivated." James sighed "Okay, Okay, any time I'm invited to hang out with him and Con, you can come with me. Don't take the piss though. Don't just accuse Ryan of things, ease into it, build a trust."

"I know, I know." I nodded "I will save him."

"Maybe he'll save himself but all he needs is a push."

"Yeah, a push into my arms." I nodded

"Oh i Get it, this is a selfish thing." James rolled his eyes "And here I am, thinking you were genuinely interested in saving Brad's life."

"I am, however I'm also interested in helping in grow, and gaining a new romantic partner."

"You're awful." James sighed "Absolutely awful."

"I'll only do that if he's alright with it! I'm not going to force myself on him or anything. That's just wrong. I'm not moving him from one abusive relationship to another." I defended "I just want to help."

"Okay." James nodded "Alright, I understand now. I'll help you help him."