Dude Looks Like a Lady

New Guy

  It was like some terrible spin off of 'Mulan' or 'She's the Man'.

Here I was, in my brother's hand-me-downs, right eye twitching frantically, staring into my own personal hell.

  "Hey, you must be the newbie."

I wasn't sure how to react, erm, the guy way. Is there a guy way to react?

  "Uh, yeah." okay, that sounded manly enough, right?

"Cool," I got a good look at the guy talking to me.

   My face flushed.

He was h-, no, no. Bad. No sexual thoughts. Not now, at least.

I stood there awkwardly, messing with my binder. Do I say something? He's just standing there, looking at me. What the hell? Say something so this doesn't get any more awkward than it should. Come on, think of something. You can do it.

  "Um, so," that's a good start, "could you, I dunno...tell me where my dorm is?" I, unsuccessfully, covered up the squeak I made with a hearty cough.

  "Yeah, sure," he rested a hand on my shoulder causally, "erm, you a freshman?"

My body tensed, not quite use to the touch, "No, I'm a junior."

   "Really?"

Ouch...do I really look that young?

  "Yeah, really," I tried to play it off, shrugging off his touch, "why?"

"I dunno. You kind of look young to be...a junior."

    "Well, I am," if I keep my voice this low, I'll probably end up losing it by the end of the week, "but, hey. No sweat. I was always called the baby face anyway."

  "Cool,"

Wait, was 'cool' a good thing or a bad thing? Ugh, why did I ever agree to this? I have no idea what I'm doing.

   But, no-o-o. I can't just say no and forget about it, I had to be my stubborn self and go along with it. Now, I'm stuck at this school with a bunch of guys and not a single female in sight.

I. Am. A. M-O-R-O-N.

   ***

     "This would be, like, the best story known to m- er, I mean, women kind!" she jumped excitedly in her seat, face lighting up, "to get inside of a guy's mind, would be the most extraordinary thing ever done!"

  I chewed the cap of my pen, notes tossed lamely to my side, eyes rolling. "How many movies have they made of that topic again?" I made sure my sarcasm was clear enough, so they caught my drift.

  One of the journalists turned to me, scowling something fierce, "We didn't ask for your input, Kay?"

I shrugged it off, feeling the cap crack between my teeth, "Sorry, I just think...it isn't unique enough to be a hit story. We need something that hasn't been thought of before...if we really wanna win this."

  "That's what I'm trying to get at!" Ember exclaimed wildly, "Yeah, sure, there has been tons of movies on the topic. But, honestly, have you ever actually heard of anyone trying this in real life?"

   Ember was the youngest in our little group of seven. She was only a freshman and was kind of...out there. But, her writing skills were nothing to look away from. She was like a prodigy, given to us in our desperate time of need. She truly was a great addition, but her ideas were kind of...well...no.

  "Well, no," I answered, spinning in my chair, "but, I believe, it's because no one can actually pass it off. I think people could tell the difference between a guy and a girl. Nobody can be that stupid."