Demoted!!!

Day 5 -A Lucky Day is Lucky Once in A While-But not Now

October 30, 2017.

"Screw him—he's already dead."

"Daunted so easily? What a weak man."

"What happened to his airs two months ago? Is that all what he can do?"

Yeah.

Feelings of paranoia—or maybe feelings of premonition that God is telling me—right after I wake up in the usual 2 o'clock. Can I ignore it? I slept again. I had a nightmare. What a bum.

"Good thing he's not here anymore. I don't like his pretentiousness."

"He always thinks he's smart, then got himself removed. Laughable."

"Where did that creepy man go? Did he "creep" out? Funny."

Oh, yeah.

Feelings of premonition—annoying me at my four o'clock alarms. I will not call it paranoia—for all I think is very likely to be true. Should I blame myself? Damn this demotion—greatly affecting my way of life. Yes. Not just my life but they way how I do it. I got better in some things—like blaming myself, and got worse in essential, important things. Is it natural?

I think it is not. Nevertheless, that is just my life—entirely mundane and bland, as to how I have been saying it all the time. No points of climax, just calm, like the wavelength of a dead person. I can't say that I am being pessimistic—that's just the way it is. Do I need to hate myself? That's not needed. That's what I think.

My life is versed in total confusion. I cannot seem to decipher what is happening. As such, I think right now, I'll just go with the flow.

However, this day might just be an exemption. I am receiving an award. I hope it goes well.

In that morning, I ate. And I worked hard to clean the house—or more accurately, helped, for I am allergic to dust. My home ran out of purified water, so I took the gallon and rushed to the water station, refilling 20 liters of water. That is pretty heavy, so I went to great negative predicaments to bring it home. Too heavy that my hands and arms nearly gave up. But in life, when you give up, it's all over. I did not give up, and finally, I took home to (bacon) the gallon of water.

That made my mind not to give up on my current condition whatsoever. I may be in the face of the greatest trial yet to ever come in my life—I don't care. Well, I do, for that affects my life, but what I'm saying is, I don't care of the things that might happen to me. For. That. Is. The. Goal. That. I. Am. Going. To. Withhold.

I think I may seem weird at this point of time, but I'm still really depressed right now. I have one article to submit, and the ethical deadline was on Friday, but I keep of procrastinating. Sue me. I don't want to procrastinate but I always do. That makes this story a boring one—a bland, uninteresting, mundane, humdrum, unexciting, commonplace, dull, monotonous, monochromatic, tedious, dry, arid, and many more synonyms you can think of kind of story.

There. Afternoon came and around 3:30 prime meridian, me, my mom, my sir, and my rival went to a hotel convention center—the caucus room in it to receive our awards. We won something on 11th of October, and the awards were delayed. I received money—and I was like celebrating inside. Sometimes, luck is luck and I am lucky because of that.

However, this time is not for celebration, as to what I think. I still have a much larger problem at hand, and I must be prepared in order to tackle it—yes, that demotion. Is it normal for me to make this problem a very big deal in my life? I have said it many times—it is directly affecting my real life to the point that I am suspicious of being wholly obsessed with it. It destroys my life and I think that is creepy in my side. Or maybe even disgusting—having my life ruined because of that.

Many more things will happen in my life and I am totally aware of that. However, things seem not to really go my way. This is the first time I have dedicated myself to a thing that I think that I will commit 100% of my intelligence, energy, effort, and strength into.

But it seems like something is hindering me in order to attain that. And I know perfectly what it is—myself. There is something wrong with myself and I need to know it, for the sake not only for mine, but for the people around me as well. On the other hand, I have many possible thing why—I myself is faulty of many things like socialization and attitude, or maybe, I may not just admit it, I am really no good and is not capable of social interaction.

My friends told me that I was a hypocrite—constantly giving people confidence, but not confident himself. My friends also told me that I am a pessimistic man. Am I? I am just saying all these words because that I what I think to be really true. Am I pessimistic? I think I'm not for what I'm saying is true, and I have repeated that already. Or is this what they call pessimism and I am not aware of it?

My head must be really damaged because of that demotion. Nevertheless, according to my reflections the earlier days, the one who will be blamed is not Hannah, Annabelle, Neenah, or anyone, but absolutely ME. I am the one who is at fault and that is my realization that I myself must fix.

Once more, there may be something wrong with me. Is this what they call man versus himself kind of a conflict? Maybe so, and that conflict is, once more, hindering my life in which that I should be living to its fullest.

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Afterword!

The fifth day of my projected 30-35 day journey in mastering English Grammar and re-entering NWA. Has anyone of you finally realized what NWA is in real life? If so, please PM me IF YOU KNOW. But if not, then not.

Yes, this story is boring beyond compare. And I realize that. In the next days, please watch out for procatalepses.

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