Demoted!!!

Day 6-A Sudden Realization

October 31, 2017. Monday.

This day, I went with my family, except my mother, to the mall to buy some things with the money I received yesterday. In all means, I have enjoyed it. I bought the things that I would want to—except for a Death Note, which was sold out. Am I having terrible luck with this? Why? Is my life that unlucky? I got fired from NWA and then I would not be finding a single piece of notebook in an otaku store near our location? WHAT GIVES? I chose to pay little attention to that.

That night, I found out that I am not actually hated THAT much. One editor, Renellica Turner noticed my absence in Dissension and asked where I am. One of the writers, Michael Malcera, Annabelle's husband, was kind of..well, let's say...unaware that I was fired. However, I was actually kind of happy that someone took notice. I told her that I am currently cramming myself of English grammar so that I can return to NWA. I just off lined after that, and I did not mind what her reply would be then. Am I getting ahead of myself? Just because she did that does not mean that at least one person is concerned for my presence. Maybe so? I think so.

Then my friends in an another chat in Dissension actually said that they miss me, which also gave me happiness. Maybe I got lucky for a short time? Who knows? I sent up a euphoric emoticon. It was great.

However, I have come to a sudden realization. I think I know what to do now. However, I think it is impossible.

Never in my life had I thought would I once be tempted to finally use 100% of all intelligence and cognitive ability I have stored in my arsenal.

In all honesty and pretentiousness, in my past observations, a human CANNOT do something like that. A human's attention span cannot let him commit all of his attention to one thing. That also happened to me. In my whole life—schooling, and anything else, I have never put 100% in it, yet I still come to the very top. If I have the right to calculate, I think I have only committed half. Nevertheless, who knows?

However, this situation calls for 100% of my being to intertwine with myself. In all pessimism, if I actually use 100% of my cognition, then I think I can barely re-enter NWA. With that frustrating demotion—I have decided to use all of me in order to re-enter—learning with all I have got, improving myself with all of me being, discovering who I really am—even though it is very impossible, especially for a mere (contributor) human like me.

NWA. In the past months, I have been longing to join it, and three months ago, I have finally joined. I was happy. As what I have been saying these past days, the privilege that I have come across in it was ONE OF THE BEST thing that has happened in my life...well, so far as to put it. I am still 15 years and 13 months old. I know that many things will still happen in my life, but if you really put it simply, then my membership in NWA is very important to me. Am I thoroughly obsessed? I don't know if it is okay to be obsessed in that organization this much, but who can say that to me?

But with all misfortune and bad luck, or maybe my fault, I was technically fired. The correct term would be demoted—I am still there, but no longer capable of writing. That is the same as being fired. What an unlucky man I am. But I really think that I must mend my ways now—I must change myself, my attitudes, and above all, my writing style to the better.

One hundred percent of my intelligence, huh? From the expression itself, I can totally know that it is way too hard to let out, even if I will it. However, contradictions aside, I am willing my way to use my entire being so that I can re-enter. I know I am now very annoying for I constantly repeat this bad situation of mine, but that is just how it is. I am sorry.

I have now realized. As to what I am saying on this entry, I must commit my entire being. Now, I am off to read the whole Oxford's Guide on Grammar. And maybe the whole Merriam-Webster's Lexicon. I also need to reread the NWA Style Guide on Writing, so that I may once again be reminded that my life is just starting—something that cannot be wholly underestimated, even if I am smart. Or maybe that makes me a very pretentious person? Who knows?

Once again, never in my life I have been tempted to use all of me in doing something like this. And because of that, I am not used to it. My personality may change forever, which can bring many things positive or negative not only to me, but for the people around me, in more ways than one. IN the event that I do this, I don't know what is going to happen. I am not pleading for help, but beware of the new Paul Winston—I may surpass my cousin—that is somewhat impossible to do.

In conclusion, my life is still not that decided, many more things, yes, many more will happen to me, and I do not know what will happen in the future. Will it be good? Will it be bad? Are many people going to suffer? Now that is undoubtedly a hyperbole!

But what can I do? This is just my attitude—which many people say pessimistic—a negative one. Once again, what can I do? This is my nature, and I cannot do anything about it, even if I keep repeating that I am as pessimistic as ever. Is there something wrong with me? I know that there is and I need to repair it. For my betterment.

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Afterword!

Hey, what happened to the story? This one seemed like an essay to me—a reflective one.

It is actually a reflective essay—but not serious enough to be treated as an actual essay for there are story elements within it, which is actually kind of...confusing.

Hey. Is this story still a story? Because if it is, it is very boring—too boring that I may die.

Yes. It is still a story. A collection of daily experiences. So? IS there anything wrong about it? If it's boring, then it is. I care not. Or so I think.