Fearless Beings

Chapter 31

Mia's POV:
~~~~~~~~~

I think I've gone mad. I've gone mad, right? Yeah, that has to be it.

I inch closer to the door again, looking through the peep hole to make sure.

Oh God. My assumptions are confirmed.

I quickly strip out of my shorts and put on a pair of sweat pants, fluff my hair and pinch my cheeks in hopes of returning some color to them.

"Hello," I say.

Sh*t. He looks pissed. But... damn. Maybe I should tick him off more often.

I shake my head, as if to clear my thoughts. "Come in." I step further and open the door wider, letting him in.

He moves forward, careful not to touch me, his eyes never leaving me. "When were you going to tell me?"

I think I hear myself gasp. I take a step away from him, frowning. I rock on the back of my heels. The feeling of the carpet against the soles of my feet is somewhat comforting-- is that weird? I cross my arms over my chest. ''Be more vague, why don't you?''

He glares at me and for a second, I think he might stalk off out of the hotel room. but then he just rolls his eyes and thrusts a familiar-looking notebook in my face. It smells dusty and old, and when I look at the hardcover, it smells sad.

Interesting, I think. I never knew books can smell sad. 

I take it from him. ''What the fuck is this?''

And then he is back to the Tom I knew before things got complicated. Because he flinches when I curse. Somehow, this warms my heart, knowing that I still did not exactly lose him completely yet.

Yet.

''This, Mia, is a diary. Though who's it for could pass for a hilarious plot twist.'' Then he shrugs, his eyes finding mine again before a grim smile filters his lips. ''Or a sick joke, however you look at it,'' he adds.

I flip it open.

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I think I might sprout wings and fly, y'know? And sometimes I think some invisible force might pull me under. Like a riptide. Only it's not a water riptide- it's fire, it's need, it's ache, it's pull and attraction and everything.

And nothing.

Like a riptide. You don't expect it. You don't see it. And you don't know it's there- that is, until you feel it. Curling around you like a small hurricane enlarging by the second, and it's beautiful. It will caress every single inch of you, whisper harshly in your ear- like a promise. A promise of something more after... it's done with you. It will leave you unscathed, will return you pale like the ghost you've always been... just a little paler and, maybe if it's not as gentle as it is most of the  time, bluer. Maybe you won't look like a ghost, after all.

More like a deflated, blue balloon. Or an inflated one. It depends.

Pull PULL. Push PUSH. Flip FLIP. Hurl HURL. It will knock the breathe out of you and you will DIE. One minute your head is above the surface, the second, your legs are. And then your head again. It's temperamental. But sometimes there is no surface, to start with. Like a roller coaster.

Only it's one under the water.

You see how awful riptides are? You can't imagine something more awful, can you? I can. Experienced first-hand. It's your worst nightmare. We all have it the same. Do you know what's your worst nightmare?