Diary of a schizophrenic

Entry Nine

8.10.2013

Dear Diary,

I told Jake I would go to the party even though I would rather eat my own eye lashes. There are many reasons as to why I don't share a certain liking towards parties. Like other intellectually-gifted-loners I didn't see the point in drinking yourself to oblivion and certainly not in screwing some unknown perv. But, I had to. Not the drinking- screwing part, just the attending-the-party part. This is one of few chances I got to actually try and make friends and I was going to seize it. This is the part where cows start flying and hell freezes over. 

My obvious possesion of female private parts gave away the fact that I was a girl. I am a girl, still. That only means it took me some time to actually get ready. More like an hour of trying not to look like a half dead hobo. 

I eventually decided to wear my favorite black sweater and dark denim jeans. The sweater was probably one of the more ''sexier'' things in my wardrobe. It hugged every inch of my upper body with a nice not-too-deep V-neck line. It had a little golden K sewed in the corner.  I settled on my silver lapis lazuli ring as a jewerly statement. It belonged to my great-grandma, inside the words giroflée engraved in cursive. I fluffed up my hair one last time before heading out. 

The party was at this huge victorian fraternity house near the campus. Surrounded by taunting trees and hardly-lit lanterns, the house had a spooky atmosphere creeping arround it. If it weren't for the loud thumping music and body silhouettes falling against the windows, every normal person would immediately dig their way out of here. 

Jake told me to ring the bell exactly four times so he knows it’s me. I found that awfully weird.How the hell are you supposed to know it’s me just by how many times I ring the bell? Sure there would be a moron to ring the bell the exact amount of time as I'm supposed to so why bother. Couldn't invent a more secret approach? Whatever.

But I did it anyways, really because I didn’t know what else to do. I hesitated at first, thinking it through. I'm not a coward, never was, never will be. I rang it and waited for him to open up. It didn't take long for Jake to slam the door open so fast the music almost deafend me. 

''Hey'', he smiled at me. I saw a bit of relief in his eyes, he probably thought I wouldn't show up. 

'‘Hi’' I replied with an innocent smile. Oh, boy. 

'‘You look amazing’', he complimented me even though I  probably looked like the offspring of our librarian. 

I was thinking of pulling the ‘'oh so I usually look ugly’' thing, but I wasn’t in the mood to be a bitch and I didn’t really want to put him in that position,after all I was trying to make friends.

'‘Likewise’', I had no problem giving compliments, even less problems insulting people if it came to me being honest. This was a lying game but I was being sincere. Jake did look really good. He was wearing a green and blue flannel shirt that didn't bother to hide his muscles, dark jeans and converse. His hair was in it's usual messy kind of glory and he smelled like mint. 

'‘Come on in, it must be cold outside’'

‘'Not really’'.

I never felt as cold as other people did. Maybe because my everything is already frozen and I’m a sack of frozen organs, veins and blood. Very poetic, this brain of mine.

As we made our way through the rather antque-looking house,I noticed how this party was different from the ones I attended years ago. Sure there were drinks and people were dancing. But it wasn't over-drinking and humping over clothes. People were casually talking, moderately drinking low-alcoholic beer and dancing to the Arctic Monkeys.

I was surprised to find out that 10 guys lived here. Jake used to be one of them but then he moved to a smaller apartment further from campus because he liked the neighbourhood and it was closer to his part-time job as a waiter in a coffee shop called ''Mondays fundays''. I tried  really hard not to raise my eyebrows at that and protest.

The house looked like it belonged to a 60-year-old lonely rich lady. The walls were covered in red and gold wallpaper, various old-looking paintings, pots of flowers in every corner, kitch furniture and a grand piano in the middle of the main room.Grotesque curtains were draping on each side of the huge windows and this house looked more and more haunted to me. Even the bright colors of the interior couldn't camouflage that.

We sat in the living room in front of the fire place and talked about music,his job and poetry class. He seemed very interesting and more open than anyone I’ve ever met. When I asked him why he was telling me all of this he said that I was easy to talk to.I guess I am. That was mainly because I myself, tend not to talk. I'm not willing to open up to every stranger I met on the street like '‘Here’s your hotdog now tell me about your first period’'.Talking about other peoples problems in all honesty makes me feel satisfied. Like I'm not the biggest screw-up.

 I found out a lot about Jake that night. Like his favorite movie is The Matrix (he's secretly obsessed with Saw), his favorite book is American Psycho, he loves The Arctic Monkeys,AC/DC and Guns n' Roses and his favorite color is blue. All this he told me by himself. One story led to another and I only had to nod and smile. I avoided as many questions about myself as possible but he did find out that I also enjoy the Arctic Monkeys. One thing I didn't know is that he was friends with Josh. Josh who just happens to be here, at the party,tonight. God damn it to hell.

He entred the room and my eyes immediately caught a glimpse of him. I don't know why but panic shook me for a second and a wave of heat erupted but I managed to calm down to the realisation that I had nothing to be panicked about.

At first he didn’t notice me. He was leaning against the wall,talking to someone.I tried hard not to look at him whilst trying to focus on what Jake was saying. He was really interesting but boy, could he talk.  

After looking back at Josh I caught him looking at me and I could see his eyes widen visibly but then he smiled and started walking towards us. I looked back at Jake who was still deep in his talk.  

''I thought you weren’t a party person'', his voice managed to surprise me even though I knew he was coming.

''Funny. I thought you weren't a party person either. People change so quickly''. Okay, that was not bitchy, that was honesty.

He laughed, going over the rudeness of my words,''I guess you're right. I'm just surprised''. You and me both, sister, you and me both. 

''Hey man, how are you?'', said Josh shaking hands with Jake.

''Great, how are you?'', Jake shook back his hand. Somewhere at this point, I could feel my eyes sliding out of their socket and my jaw ready to kiss the floor. Out of all these people, these two idiots just so happen to be mates. Great, just great. 

''You two know each other?'', I managed to get the words out.

‘'Yeah, through classes and friends’' said Jake.

‘'How do you two know each other?’' asked Josh while pointing a finger lazily at us.

'‘He helps me hide the bodies’'.

They both laughed and Jake said,''She sits next to me in poetry class''.

''Cool'',Josh replied and then a long silence grew over us before he said,'' So I'll leave you two alone then, enjoy the rest of the party''. He almost seemed sad, barely looking at us. What was only going on in that pretty little head of his?

Before he walked away he turned back and asked '‘Sunday is still on?'’

‘'Yes’'. 

Jake didn’t ask anything about the '‘Sunday is still on'’ thing and I guess he didn’t care and I guess I liked that. I like that he doesn’t put his nose where it doesn’t belong like Josh does. Josh just questions everything and I know you are supposed to question everything but not in that annoying superficial way.

After the party I went back to my room, lay down and read a little. We were currently assigned to read The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri. I like the book mainly because it lacks the romance I so horribly dread.