Diary of a schizophrenic

Entry Fifteen

20.10.2013

Dear Diary,

You know, the first thing that comes to my mind when I start thinking about people is how well we survived. So many years, so many obstacles and inventions and challenges thrown at us and yet here we are.

I wonder about the adventures, passings, new things learned and found, all the unread diaries and love letters, pictures taken, heartbreaks and all the lives lived and lost.

I wonder about the tears shed and how it is possible to survive in a world when you lost someone. To stand up, limp and loose and foreign to your own self, continue living, breathing, excelling; how to move on exactly. I wouldn’t be able to do it. I’ve went through a lot but that seems miles away from my strength.

I wonder if I’ll ever have those things behind me, those memories, because right now, I feel a tremendous weight pressing against my ribs of all the possible lives I am not living.

I do wonder if I’ll ever be the subject of someone’s love letter or whether I’ll ever be mentioned in someone else’s diary, whether I’ll be the person smiling next to them in a picture, tucked under their arm or embraced in a hug, maybe even a kiss?

I wonder if I’ll ever be loved for who I truly am.